What do you take in your tea?

I was talking with the staff of a residential treatment program for adolescents the other day. We were discussing the “process of intervention” and how one decides when the time is right to begin the process of intervention. Now, by this I do not mean the situation when a young person comes in to a program and demonstrates his or her own particular “manifestation of needs”. Because in a case like that, of course, we intervene as is necessary.

Rather, we were talking about the more formal organized process of intervention – the development of a plan which we all – staff, youth and family – will follow as we help the young person discover new ways of living in the world.

As we were talking about this, and the development of relationship connections with the young person, one of the women in the team suggested that we cannot begin the process of intervention “until we know what she takes in her tea."

And I thought, to myself (and out loud) what a wonderful reference that is to a particular stage of our work – and to the process of our work.

Really, let’s think about it for a minute – think of the people you know. Now answer the question “what do they take in their tea?” (okay, or their coffee, if you insist). The thing is, I did this myself and I realized that there are some people for whom I can answer this question, and some for whom I cannot. And I noticed that whether I can answer the question or not, says something about how I have attended to them in relationship.

I know, I know – I can hear the arguments now, "but I never had coffee with her"; “he doesn’t drink tea!" And I concede those points. But I am sure you also get the point made by this thoughtful Child and Youth Care Worker. Which is, “when you know what they take in their tea, you have taken the time to get to know them” – to really know them “as they live through the minutiae of everyday life.

There are stages and steps to the process of “getting to know someone–; stages of engagement and connection. And there are indicators along the way that let us know where we are at in the process. And this indicator, coming from the floor as it did, seems as good a reference as any I have ever heard.

So, to the child care worker who taught me this, I want to say thank you. And I want you to know, that because of you, I will spend a little more time “getting to know what they take in their tea.”

To you, the reader of CYC-Online , I would only ask, “do you know what all the kids take in their tea?"

And to all the people – staff and youth – who welcomed me so well at Rath na nOg in Ireland last week, thanks for the welcome, the experience, and all the learning.

Thom