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LISTENING TO FAMILIES
Parents feel confident but challenged
Parents are confident that they can raise strong,
healthy and successful children — if they weren’t burdened by challenges
beyond their control. Two studies, the first focusing mostly on white
families in 2002 and a follow-up on black and Latino families at the end
of 2004, found that parents generally feel they are doing a good job
with their kids. They feel squeezed, however, by outside forces, such as
job loss, limited child-care options and the cost of health care.
Healthy development
The studies were conducted by the YMCA of the USA, YMCA Canada and
Search Institute, a nonprofit organization that focuses on the healthy
development of young people. These groups come together as the Abundant
Assets Alliance, which aims to craft a community response to providing
youth with the support they need to become caring and competent adults.
“Most of the major challenges are dynamics beyond the immediate family;
these parents see fewer challenges in parenting that are related to
their own families (such as sharing household chores or bickering among
children),” according to the Building Strong Families 2004 Report.
“When we look more deeply, we see that the areas where they (parents)
are most satisfied relate to what we might call ‘private parenting’ —
things they do one-on-one with their child. They are much less satisfied
with what we might call ‘public parenting’ — those parenting actions
that involve connecting with the broader community,” the report says.
No. 1 on parents’ wish list — spanning both surveys and spread across
racial and economic lines — is to have more time to spend with their
children, says Barbara Taylor, senior consultant for program development
at the YMCA of the USA. Parents feel that if they were with their
children they could better counter the negative influences that kids see
on TV and even at school while teaching life skills, self esteem and
other core values, she explains. But, despite their limited hours with
their kids, 97 percent of the parents in the first study said they
showed their children love and affection each day. In the follow-up
survey, 70 percent of the black parents and 84 percent of the Latino
parents said that simply being with their children more often would make
them better parents. These parents also are most likely to seek help
from their spouse or parenting partner, followed by their extended
family, before going to friends, professionals and the broader
community. Of course, finding extra hours in everyone’s already busy
lives isn’t easy to do.
“The easiest response is to encourage employers to be
family-friendly workplaces,” Taylor says. “Many people are even carrying
two jobs, so time is the biggest issue they face with their families.
Economic stress is often the second issue. The issues are obviously
related and the problems snowball.”
And, she adds, if parents become unemployed, they spend their “free
time” worrying about finances or looking for a job and they still can’t
focus on the kids. If parents can’t be there — physically or emotionally
— for children, they would prefer their children be involved in
interesting, stimulating after-school programs that enhance them in some
way, Taylor says, citing the studies. The YMCA couldn’t agree more, she
adds. “Communities need to develop, fund and offer these programs and
then reach out to parents and let them know what’s available to help
take the burden off them.”
Community groups
But relying on community groups and, in some cases, entire communities
to help raise children is part of the larger debate about whose
responsibility it is to “parent.”
“When you look at the study you see that parents tend to go it alone, so
I’m not sure that parents see their communities as family friendly at
this point. Some communities are working to create a collaborative
atmosphere and those parents are more receptive to community,” Taylor
says.
The YMCA Youth and Family Services Department, a wing of California’s
YMCA of San Diego County, has been reaching out to parents since it
opened a shelter for at-risk teenagers — and their parents — in 1970.
“We’re coming from a no-blame perspective. Helping young people and
parents see their strengths instead of deficiencies is a good start. We
say let’s recognize what you’ve done right and done well, and set some
goals on where things can be improved,” says Laura Mustari, executive
director of the department. There’s a conscious effort to treat both
parents and children with respect, and to normalize the challenges
they’re facing, she explains. It’s always helpful to know you’re not the
only one going through a rough patch, she adds.
In San Diego County, it’s been harder to get parents to participate in
the Youth and Family Services programs than to get the larger community
behind them, Mustari says, probably because parents often are
embarrassed when they can’t handle something themselves or they are
unaware that a support system exists.
Mustari does note, however, that there is a renewed
interest in group parenting classes, especially among middle-income
families.
26 January 2005
http://www.smdailyjournal.org/article.cfm?issue=01-25-05&storyID=39131
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