Program helps dads in prison connect with their kids

When Samuel Reed's two sons were very young, he admits he wasn't around much to take care of them. The lure of drugs took him away. “Every time I used drugs, I would leave them - maybe not physically, but mentally I left,” he said. He took methamphetamine, cocaine, crack and marijuana. He just didn't care. He didn't realize what he was missing until he lost it. He went to prison, sentenced to 22 years when his sons were just 3 and 6 years old. His wife divorced him. In prison, he says he kicked his drug habit and began to examine his life. It's six years later now. Reed says he is totally off drugs and totally turned on to his family. “It's all about the children now,” he said by phone from the Potosi Correctional Center. “It should have been about them then.”

Reed is learning to develop a relationship with his sons through a program called L.I.F.E. It stands for Living Interactive Family Education. It was begun at the Potosi facility in March of 2000, the idea of an inmate on death row and his wife, and implemented through the University of Missouri Extension Service in partnership with the Missouri Department of Corrections.

The men who take part are screened carefully and must attend monthly parenting skills classes. That helps these dads learn to be positive influences in the lives of their children. One Saturday each month for two-and-a-half hours, dads meet with their children and their kids' caregivers in a visitation that allows them more freedom than regular visits.

The families engage in traditional 4-H activities where they may make crafts and play games that focus on subjects like conflict resolution, avoiding drugs, teamwork and character development. “My daughter loves coming to the program,” said Martez Shadwick, another Potosi prisoner. “She wants to be the group leader. She raises her hand first. It warms my heart to see her. I just love to see that smile on her face. It's a blessing.”

To participate in such a privilege, offenders must have no violations of prison rules for at least four months. No sex offenders may participate. Potential members are screened by current members to ensure they meet the requirements. Membership in the L.I.F.E. program includes not only fathers, grandfathers and stepfathers, their children and grandchildren, but also incarcerated men who have role model relationships with nieces, nephews or other close relatives. “The program causes you to want to make good choices so we can have this time with our families,” Reed explained. “The 4-H program is an extra benefit or reward for staying out of trouble and not mixing with the wrong group.”

Steve Gifford, Potosi's Institutional Activities Coordinator, said the program is successful because the men realize this is the only way they will have this kind of contact with their kids. “The inmates have a significant role in the program's operation,” said Gifford. “They even collect cans to help earn money for the 4-H group.” The dads in the program develop a relationship, too. Reed says they talk about what their kids are going through and give each other advice or encouragement.

Since its inception, the program has involved 133 children and teens age 5-18 and 54 incarcerated fathers. 4-H Youth Specialist Lynna Lawson says 96 caregivers have taken part. “I know of one family where the boys had not seen their dad in two years,” said Lawson. “They've been coming to the program for a year and it's made a change in the way they've related to their dad.”

Reed, who hopes to get out on parole in another six years, says he can now imagine a life with his family. His former wife is part of the L.I.F.E. program, too, and the two plan to re-marry next month. “I believe we are building trust in each other,” said Reed. Lawson says the program focuses on parenting, leadership and communication. “The things they talk about are things you would talk about over dinner,” said Lawson. “Of course they're not there for dinner so they have to work harder at getting their kids to open up to them.”

Shadwick is serving a life sentence without parole. The closest contact he will likely ever have with his daughter is through the L.I.F.E. program. A dad since he was 16, he went to prison when his daughter was only four. She's 10 now. “I tell her to stay in school and get an education,” said Shadwick, who says he was kicked out of school in 10th grade. Like most dads, he says he worries his daughter is growing up too fast.

The kids come from homes as far away as Cape Girardeau and Illinois to be part of the L.I.F.E. program in Potosi. Washington County 4-H Youth Specialist Rob Wilkinson has been involved since 2001. “A lot of times, these children are embarrassed and ashamed about having a parent in prison,” he explained. “When they have a relationship with that parent, it makes it easier.”

The program is the first of its kind and is expanding to three other facilities in Missouri, including the Farmington Correctional Center. Superintendent Al Luebbers said plans are already underway to implement it. He was at the Potosi prison when it started. “Any time you can get your incarcerated fathers close to their child, it's good,” he said. “You always would like to see the family stay together.” Shadwick is so supportive of the program he says he tries to get other inmates with children to participate. “Without this program, I wouldn't know my daughter as I know her now,” he said.

Recently, the U.S. Department of Agriculture videotaped the production and plans to distribute the video through their web site and on PBS stations in a program called, “Our Children.”

Donna Hickman
17 June 2006

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