Common misconceptions parents have about sex and their kids

MYTH: I'll harm my child if I tell him/her about it too early.
Not true, says Dr. Justin Richardson, co-author of “Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They'd Ask).” He suggests that lessons begin with teaching babies and toddlers the correct names for all their body parts, not just their nose and navel.

Lesson 2 comes at around age 4 to 8, when a child is told the basic facts about how babies are made, including the basics about sexual intercourse.

Lesson 3 should occur before puberty, as early as age 7 for some kids, and teaches them about the changes that will happen to their bodies as they begin to develop sexually. The lessons should continue, with parents being a child's foremost source of information about morals and values, say Richardson and other experts.

MYTH: Not MY teen.
The average age of first intercourse among boys and girls is 16.5, says Richardson.

“Parents should assume their child is quite likely to have had intercourse by the time they enter their senior year. They should start the information about protection before then,” he says.

Doris Fuller, co-author, with her teen daughter, of “Promise You Won't Freak Out” ($13, Berkley), says parents need to break out of their denial and make sure they are talking to their teens about all kinds of sexual issues, from oral sex to birth control.

“If two-thirds of all kids are having oral sex by age 15 or 16, they can't be just the kids you don't know,” she says.

MYTH: If I tell my kid about sex, it will inspire him/her to try it.
Most children are more horrified than inspired by the facts about how babies are made, says Richardson, assistant psychiatry professor at Columbia and Cornell universities.

MYTH: Talking to my kid about sex is a waste of time.
“Parents should give themselves credit,” says Doris Fuller. “There is reputable, serious research that indicates that kids whose mothers talk to them about sex and transmit a message that they want them to wait, have sex later than kids whose mothers don't.”

MYTH: My child has no idea what oral sex is.
“Oral sex is at an epidemic all-time high in Marion County and throughout the country,” says Tonja Konour, president and CEO of Girls Inc of Indianapolis. Local statistics are hard to come by, but a 1995 survey of males ages 15 to 19 found that 49 percent reported receiving oral sex, according to Advocates for Youth, a Washington, D.C.-based organization. Part of the reason oral sex is increasing, says Konour, is that "just say no" sex education has succeeded in teaching teens to delay sexual intercourse, but lack of information about the risks of oral sex and other practices has led kids to believe they are safe alternatives, despite the fact that they can spread disease.

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Common misconceptions adolescents have about sex

MYTH: Everybody's doing it.
Long-term national research shows that about a third of all high-school freshmen have had sexual intercourse. The percentage rises to 61 for high-school seniors. The average age at first intercourse is 16.5 years, with boys slightly younger and girls slightly older, says Dr. Justin Richardson, author of "Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex" ($25, Crown).
“Kids who believe their friends are sexually active are more likely to have sex earlier,” he says, so parents need to remind teens that no matter what anyone may say, everyone is not doing it.

MYTH: Oral sex isn't really sex and it carries no risks.
“Kids are thinking, 'OK, I can have oral or anal sex and I don't have to worry about pregnancy or anything else.' But they do. They are all sex and can all transmit sexually transmitted diseases,” says Crystal Flowers, program manager for the Indianapolis chapter of Girls Inc., a national education organization focusing on preparing at-risk girls to lead full, successful lives. Richardson noted that in a study of California high-schoolers, a third of the kids who had never had sexual intercourse had engaged in some other kind of sexual behavior, such as oral sex.

MYTH: It can't happen to me.
Flowers says some kids mistakenly believe a girl can't get pregnant before her period, or the first time she has sex. They don't realize that females having unprotected sex have an 85 percent chance of getting pregnant within a year.

MYTH: If you use a condom or other form of birth control, you can't get pregnant or contract a disease.
Only abstaining from sexual activity is complete protection, says Diana Ruschhaupt, program director at the Ruth Lilly Health Education Center. Educators at the center host groups of adolescents and teens and correct common misunderstandings, including the myth that birth-control pills can protect a girl from sexually transmitted infections.

MYTH: Having sex is no big deal.
Teens risk emotional damage when they are sexually intimate.
In addition, Flowers teaches girls that their reproductive system isn't fully developed until their later teens, and can be damaged if they're sexually active before that.
Marian Erler, an educator at the Ruth Lilly center, tells young people to pay attention to their feelings if they are ashamed to buy condoms or to ask for help using them safely.
“If you can't handle that, you have to ask yourself: 'Am I ready?' ”

Ellen Miller
3 August 2004

http://www.indystar.com/articles/6/166240-7036-047.html

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