Kristen Bakanowski has back-to-school begging down to a science.

``I'll say, `I really like this. I need this. Can you get it for me?' '' said Bakanowski, 16, of Northboro. ``Sometimes, I'll keep complaining about it after we leave and make (my mom) go back to the store.''

Bakanowski's not the only kid pushing her parents' patience. In a recent poll for the Center for the New American Dream by Widmeyer Communications, 55 percent of kids ages 12 to 17 said they refuse to take ``no'' for an answer and eventually persuade their parents to buy or let them buy clothes or other products they want.

Felicia Derosa, a Somerville mom, said she contends with commercials and peer pressure when shopping with her children.

``My kids want to be in style,'' said Derosa, whose children are 7 and 9. ``I don't think I knew the difference when I was in first grade, but it's a big concern now. They know exactly why they're nagging and they hope if they do it enough, I'll just cave in. I dread shopping all year round.''

Other parents struggle to find proper clothing for the classroom. ``My main pet peeve is that the clothes aren't appropriate,'' said Kate Nelson, a Beverly mom of two, ages 11 and 14. ``The girls look like streetwalkers and the boys look like gangsters. We (adults) wore hip-huggers and miniskirts in the '70s, but with our shirts tucked in and tights on. There was no flesh showing. I just hate it.''

The prices of school supplies also cause agitation in the aisles. ``It's incredible how much supplies cost,'' said Karen Bakanowski, Kristen's mom. ``They have to have certain types of notebooks, pencils and erasable pens. Parents are responsible for buying everything now.''

Yet parents don't have to buy into peer influence and flashy ad campaigns. By setting boundaries before entering stores, families can avoid igniting fights.

``Parents need to identify the values they want their children to have and facilitate their children's insight into what those real values are,'' said Dr. William Newman, a psychiatrist and director of Seacoast Counseling Centers in Danvers and Amesbury. ``A parent can ask their child why they think they `need' the brand-name clothing or shoes versus `want' it. If the child says, `Because my friends have it,' then the parent can ask, `Why is that so important to you?' If they answer, `I don't want to be different,' parents can say, `You don't need the brand names to be accepted by your true friends. Your real friends will accept you no matter what.' ''

Setting a budget before shopping also can nip nagging in the bud. ``You have to walk into a store with limits,'' said Karen Bakanowski. ``You can say, `You can pick out what you want, but this is how much you can spend.' ''

``I don't make a big deal out of it, but it doesn't hurt kids to know that money is a finite resource,'' Nelson said. ``It's good for them to know the value of a dollar.''

``A lot of my friends just point to something they like in a store and their mom runs and grabs it and pays for it for them,'' said Mary Carlson, 14, of Danvers. ``The first thing I look at is prices.''

``We go to places like Marshall's, CFO or Filene's Basement and get the same things cheaper,'' said Carlson's sister, Courtney, 16. ``Some people care too much about where they buy things. They walk around with their nose in the air, `My dad gave me $300 and I got this here.' ''

Parents can encourage their kids to earn the money to pay for coveted items themselves, said Newman. If kids are too young to work outside the home, parents can assign them chores, such as cleaning the dishes, to earn their pricey picks. ``My son has a paper route now, and when we went shopping for shoes, he tried on a pair he really liked a lot,'' Nelson said. ``But when he got a load of the price tag, he said, `No pair of sneakers on earth is worth $99!' ''

Creating choices for children also can hamper the need for haranguing. Nelson asks which of a few items her daughter likes better on a scale of one to five so the youth feels as if she were making the final decision. As a compromise regarding sparkly, belly-button-baring clothing, Derosa allows her daughter to sport shiny shoelaces or barrettes.

Whatever parents do, they must remember that they're role models for the kind of consumers their children will become. ``Everything we do, our children are watching,'' said Susan Marx, a Families First Parenting Programs senior training specialist and workshop facilitator. ``How much are we caught up in fads? Just because things are out there doesn't mean every family needs to buy . . . or can buy all the things that are out there. We have to qualify our own values about consumption and consumerism before we can help kids understand (what's) appropriate.''