OPINION

The unfair foster care system

The foster care system is supposed to be designed to help bring together families and to help at risk youth maintain a stable life. Many of the youth who are in foster care have trouble building relationships with people because they’ve never had the opportunity to stay in a situation long enough to adapt to a certain surrounding or they’ve been disappointed so many times that they no longer trust any more.

When I went into foster care, I had trouble staying focused on school and graduating high school because my mind wasn’t in that direction. I was starving for attention, and many of my friends I met while in foster care had that same problem. I felt that because I was in foster care I should interact with other youth in foster care. I started hanging out with kids who were also in foster care and I found out that a lot of them were not motivated and really had no sense of direction.

The guys that I was attracted to had problems communicating and expressing their feelings. They didn’t have their heads on straight, and back then I didn’t understand why. But now I realize that it has a lot to do with society and the expectations of a Black man living in the hood. If you’re a young Black guy in the hood, you basically have to follow the commandments of the hood, and if you don’t you’re labeled as a sucka or an outsider. Since these guys have already been through so much in such a short time, they already feel like they are outsiders and different from other young guys, so they do whatever it takes to fit in. This is why most of the young guys who age out of foster care resort to violence, robbing, selling dope, stealing and going in and out of jail because they don’t have the guidance and they want to fit in. They also don’t have the skills it takes to go out and look for a job on their own or have the resources to attain a decent resume or learn valuable interviewing skills.

This goes for females too, and some cases are worse then others. Everyone’s situation is different, and everyone is affected in a different way. When you’re in foster care you feel like no one really cares about what you are going through. I don’t blame anyone for feeling this way, because social workers and shelter staff can make you feel that way, especially when they throw you in the first dump that’s open for business. I would like to let all foster youth know that bad situations will happen, but it’s up to you to decide whether to learn and grow from it or let it bring you down. I met a lot of interesting people while I was a “ward of court.” Each and every one different and traumatized in their own way. I met someone who I want to tell you about, and for privacy reasons, we’ll call him X.

At the young age of 18, X has had a hard life from the time he experienced the death of his younger brother to the time he was raped in a foster home by one of the older guys when he wasn’t even 7 yet. X is one of my best friends, and it really is hurting me to see him now at 18 having issues with trust, relationships, finding a job and just accepting the fact that everything that has happened throughout X’s life hasn’t been his fault. X is currently living with a family in the East Bay and spends most of his time trying to fill out job applications. X often has trouble spelling simple words and gets frustrated when he can’t do something. What I don’t understand is how could he have been a “ward of court” from the age of like 5 in a system that is supposed to be so great and he can’t spell?

When X turned 18 he decided to go home after living in Hunters Point for a while and being away from his mom for over three years. He called the social worker over his case just to receive a big laugh over the phone when he asked for help gaining his diploma and getting life skills classes!

“You’re not working with us anymore” is what X claims the social worker said before she finally hung up in his face. X is a very sweet and honest person who is paying for the mistakes of his mother. When he was 5, his mother was sentenced to five years in jail for possession of drugs. This left X to take care of himself with the help of grandparents who were already raising other children. X is now sinking into a hole of depression because he feels like things are extra hard for him. Obstacles that might seem small to me are huge for him, and I don’t know how to provide the right help.

I’ve helped X fill out applications and I also talk to him when he’s having trouble getting along with his family who he is just now getting to know. “I feel like I ain’t never gonna make it. It’s so many times I wake up and I think about just leaving everyone behind and starting a new life,” he says.

X believes that if he runs away from his problems they will go away, but we all know that you can’t run away from your problems because there’s nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. “I stayed a year in Walden house when I was 16 because I had a drinking problem. I used to drown out my fears and trouble with a fifth of Hennessy. At the time, the only way I was happy is when I was drunk or high on weed. I smoke weed because the only time I’m happy with myself is when I’m high.”

At first I would get upset with X because I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t spell or talk properly to an employer. Now I know that this was never taught to him, and his social worker didn’t do the job of offering the proper services. Now X has to suffer the consequences.
 

by Apollonia Jordan
15 April 2004

http://www.sfbayview.com/041404/unfairfoster041404.shtml

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