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UK'S NEW CRIME DRIVE
Putting the sense into sentencing,
then losing it in cliche, jargon and verbiage
David Blunkett yesterday revealed his plans to end
crime in this country. As soon as the home secretary has arranged for a
silicon chip to be implanted in every child's skull at birth, Britain
will return to a state of innocence, a Nirvana, a place that will make,
say, Ambridge look like a sink estate near Nottingham. I exaggerate. But
not a lot. Mr Blunkett really does believe that crime can be almost
abolished. To this end he has deployed a massive force of cliches,
jargon and verbiage.
He promises us targets, intervention programmes,
units, sure starts, community justice centres, best practice, mentoring,
active engagements, and something he called a “first traunch” of
community support officers.
To be fair, Mr Blunkett has trouble reading out some
of this blather. For us listening, the concepts are difficult to follow.
For him, trying to read them in braille, it can be near impossible, and
as the Tories jeered at the language, he often stumbled over his text.
(A friend of Mr Blunkett's tells me that, at some level, he doesn't know
he is blind. For example, yesterday he mocked his Tory shadow, David
Davis, who has been away for two weeks.)
“I've almost forgotten what he looks like,” Mr Blunkett said.
Irony? A subtle joke at his own as well as Mr Davis's expense? Who can
say? Anyhow, it made some of the Tories squirm with bottom-clenching
embarrassment, so it did serve a purpose.)
Mr Blunkett doesn't usually communicate in New Labour-speak,
preferring old-fashioned English, so it sounded all the odder when he
used it.
“By investing in communities,” he said, “we are
encouraging a new spirit of civic engagement.”
The Tories began to twitter gently.
“We have put the sense back into sentencing!” and they
laughed out loud.
“Gun crime and domestic violence too often lead to
serious injury and fear,” he went on, reminding us of those good old
days when gun crime rarely led to either injury or fear.
By this time he was on a roll.
Ministers would “direct resources” into “sustaining
families” and would go on to “audit” what they had done. They would
“complement the intelligence model”.
He spoke about “standards of customer service” with a
new “non-emergency call number” by 2008, through which, we inferred, it
might just be possible to speak to a policeman if your bike is stolen or
your mother murdered. The schemes and plans and programmes poured out,
like nutty slack down a coal hole.
“The ‘no witness, no justice programme’ is already
making a difference," he said.
We heard tidings of a new “incentivisation programme
designed to return resources to the community ...”
“In instances where a fixed penalty notice is
available, a fixed penalty notice will be available ... I can announce
today an expansion of the youth inclusion and early intervention
programme!”
And, we heard, “learning mentors will provide a route
out of inter-generational disadvantage”.
By this time the Tories were groaning and rolling
their backsides round in mock despair. When Mr Blunkett spoke of the
need to “build respect and overcome alienation”, I thought Eric Forth
would pop with rage and frustration.
Luckily for the home secretary, James Paice, standing
in for Mr Davis, was awful, blaming Roy Jenkins and the 1960s for
everything bad that had happened since.
“They told us the criminal was the victim. Shouldn't
they now apologise?”
I heard a scoffing voice shout “shut up, oh please
shut up,” until I realised it was mine.
Simon Hoggart
20 July 2004
http://www.guardian.co.uk/guardianpolitics/story/0,3605,1264843,00.html
See also
http://news.independent.co.uk/uk/this_britain/story.jsp?story=542764
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