Disciplining children not just for mom, dad

I’ve been taking note of how I interact with other people’s kids for a few months now. Ever since Jeffrey Zaslow wrote a column in the Wall Street Journal, “Why Don’t We Reprimand Other People’s Children?”

He chronicled how, though we talk about the notion that “it takes a village to raise a child,” we’re offended at having our own kids reprimanded by others and we’re really reticent to correct other’s kids.

Zaslow points to research that suggests we and our kids were better off when, as radio host Garrison Keillor put it, “adults were willing to tell other people’s children to quiet down or tuck in their shirts.”  Do so now and you risk having the lawyers called in.

Zaslow recounts the experience of a mom on a school board in the Chicago suburbs who, while driving behind a school bus, noticed two teens hitting each other. She asked for permission to board the bus and she reprimanded the children. Parents of the battling kids later demanded she step down from the school board. It took a school district investigation to clear her.

Sheesh
When I was in high school, I once had a lively party when my folks left me on my own for a weekend. My neighbors were literally on my doorstep to “discuss” it with my parents the minute they returned. Suffice it to say my parents “discussed” the situation with me, too.

I’m happy to have other people legitimately reprimand my kids. I love it when one of my brothers tells them right in front of me, “don’t talk to your mother like that!”  But, I don’t like telling other people’s children to “straighten up.”

We too often see our children as these inherently wise and virtuous little ones, who just need to have their self-esteem built. Any bad behavior must be a reflection of us parents not using the “right” technique or something.

The problem is we parents used to believe we were in this thing together. No more.

Seeing all this makes me suddenly feel the need to go find some child (in addition to one of my own) whom I can tell to quiet down and tuck in his shirt.

Betsy Hart
23 September 2006

http://news.bostonherald.com/editorial/view.bg?articleid=158878
 

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