Where'd all the role models go?

Prospective role models for our young are jumping ship and swimming to the shores of Me-me Island. Seems no one wants the job of role model anymore. Being a role model used to be something cool, prestigious and rewarding. Not nowadays. For some, such as many professional athletes and musicians and those who can definitely inspire the young if they so chose, being a role model is viewed as drudgery, quite bothersome and a waste of time.

The penalties for abandoning our children are stiff: Parents of children lacking quality role models will continue to hear “We found traces of drugs in your child's body," or "I'm sorry, your child happened to be in the line of fire," or "Your child hasn't been in school for some time now." The evaporation of capable role models has nasty implications for every person in America. Crime, of course, is rising. Interpersonal skills are waning. Family life is losing ground to unsavory relationships, a gross example being gangs. Yet, role models used to give us the basis on which to mold character, especially important to the young throng of those lacking the skills, self-esteem or self-sufficiency to create their own socially beneficial character.

I am a lucky man. I had role models during my formulative years. Some I knew personally, others only through books. The effective role models, such as my parents, showed me how to act through example, not castigation. They demonstrated how to interact with others. My father returned tools cleaner than when loaned; my mother brought pies or cakes to new neighbors.

I learned to help others. I was shown through example that problems could be solved with communication, not physical violence; that "color" was merely a melanin differentiation; that women were equal to men; that Hindu spiritual leaders and Methodist clergy both had worthy things to say; that whether you loved a man or woman didn't matter as long as you had love in your heart; that every person on earth was important; and that I could be anything I wanted.

My pivotal book "mentors," such as Abraham Lincoln and writer E.B. White, showed me that the world could open up reveal its tenderness when I opened up my own heart, while Martin Luther King Jr. and Henry David Thoreau shared with me through their writings unique ways of living life to the fullest without stepping on anyone's toes. These people, the ones I credit for being some of my role models, never turned their backs on me or said, "I'm too busy" or looked at this significant role as a nuisance.

The remedy for the "role-model-absence" plague is a simple injection of genuine concern for the fate of the young. We need to build up the young and support those who wish to conquer the enticement of drugs, malaise and indifference to their tomorrows. It is clear that we won't be able to rely on professional athletes and musicians to get the job done. All the better. We can proudly take care of the problem ourselves.

Anyone can be a role model. It doesn't even necessarily take pristine character content to be one... I myself would fail dismally in such a glaring light, yet sometimes I find myself in the role of offering a "guiding light." My young nephews, for instance, think I'm the coolest thing going. They hang on my every word and gather round me at family functions, smothering me with their attention. Their hero-worship gives me an incredible opportunity and an awesome responsibility. The "I shouldn't have to be a role model" argument is a self aggrandizing, pathetic, me-only, antisocial, flake-out assertion. So, I give role modeling my best shot.

With my nephews, I share my thoughts about the world and how to succeed in it, and I try to do it without wisps of condescension. I try to become their pal, rather than "The Enforcer." I ask for their opinions and viewpoints, not so much to get information for myself as to make them feel important and useful. I talk about my dreams and ask about theirs. I guide and shape but try not to walk too narrow a path nor form too tight a mold.

Children need to find their own way of looking at things and their own way of touching the world. I have a scarred friend whose father said to her during her teenage years, "You dress like a whore." Sorry sir, no prize for role modeling. I don't think we should view our opportunities to be a role model as arduous tasks, something that gets in the way of a "lifestyle." Being a role model is not a chore but a role in life that is an honorable privilege worthy of admiration. Role modeling can at times be a sizable effort. But I have found that the rewards of seeing in a young person's eyes the courage and conviction I helped foster makes the effort well worth the trouble.

Our youth have bit parts in the scripts of adult dramas. Someday, the roles will be reversed and the world will be their stage, with you and me cast in minor parts. How we handle the youth of today will determine how they'll handle us when we're old enough to be pylons for an angry skateboarder. Kids with a role model in their life stand a better chance of creating a happy life while helping others to create happiness in their lives, too. Just a hunch, but I bet those drivers who run up on your rear bumper on the freeway probably didn't have good role models when they were growing up.

Robert Ward
13 June 2006

http://www.axcessnews.com/modules/wfsection/article.php?articleid=9985

 
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