RAISING TEENS

Concerns about childcare focus on the under-fives, but most parents find the pressures of the teenage years far tougher to cope with

Years of fags and shoplifting

Why are childcare horror stories always limited to toddlers? The hidden camera film of bullying staff in the recent BBC documentary Nurseries Undercover was harrowing. But childcare extends beyond the age of four. If a hidden camera followed a group of teenagers around, the results would be even worse. This summer holiday, the Daycare Trust warned that there was a serious shortage of provision for teenagers. While parents will ensure their children under 13 have structured activities and childcare this summer, few will do the same for older children. How many parents know what their teenagers are doing this summer?

It's tough to be an adolescent, but so much tougher to be the parent of one. A report last month found that six out of 10 parents believe it's harder for them to bring up their teenagers than it was for their own parents. Of course, this is subjective rather than scientific data, but few would argue that parenting adolescents has got any easier. Last month's Family Report 2004 by the Institute of Public Policy Research found that parents are anxious that they can't afford to buy the things their teenagers want. They also worry about drugs, alcohol and crime. A generation ago the teenage years were deemed trying; today they are considered perilous.

Newspapers scream about “epidemics” of pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases and violence among young people. Teenagers are frequently depicted as ungovernable, and their parents are blamed. So far, the government has responded with antisocial behaviour orders, which are mostly targeted at teenagers, and by giving the police powers to break up small groups of teens who are repeatedly disruptive.

Three-quarters of parents surveyed thought that the teenage years were the most difficult to deal with — worse than coping with a toddler. While both age groups are similar in their testing of boundaries and their temper tantrums, the former will usually say “I love you” afterwards — while a teenager may still refuse to be seen with you in public. Yet almost 70% of parents said that society was far more supportive of parents with younger children than of those with teenagers.

Teenagers have always been attracted to adult rights without the accompanying responsibilities. But the internet and growth of television channels bombard teenagers with influences, aspirations and marketing messages that catapult them into the adult world far earlier than a generation ago. Much of this television and internet use occurs unsupervised. Working parents don't employ nannies for their 13-year-olds. When parents do get home they are often tired, and conversations focus on “Have you done your homework?” or “Have you tidied your room?”

As the number of children living in lone-parent families increases, research shows that lone parents find it harder to deal with teenagers because they feel so unsupported. Many more families are reconstituted, providing the potential for a difficult step-parent dynamic. Meanwhile, the Home Office says that drug use has increased, and starts earlier among teenagers. One in three 14-year-olds has taken drugs (mostly cannabis), rising to two out of five 16-year-olds. About 10% of 12-year-olds say they regularly have a drink, and by the age of 15 this rises to 30%.

But some of the difficulties in parenting teenagers are more timeless in nature. These young people need to become independent of their parents. Their peer group inevitably has the greatest influence. At secondary school, parents don't compare parenting problems outside the school gates. With no yardstick against which to measure how they're doing, parents may be too liberal, afraid of alienating their child by setting boundaries. Many studies have shown that the best parenting for teenagers combines open communication, negotiation, warmth and authority. In the UK, the government has spent millions of pounds on its Sure Start programme, which supports families of young children, particularly those in poverty. It is families with exactly the same economic profile that have the most problems with their teenagers. Sure Start is working well but, as the IPPR report notes, it needs to be extended. Instead of after-school clubs, teenagers need youth and sporting centres.

A quarter of parents with children under six have asked employers to let them work flexibly since the new law allowed them to do so in April 2002. But many parents with teenagers also need that flexibility. Parents also need to talk to and support each other, and secondary schools could facilitate this by holding parenting groups. The most vulnerable parents need parenting classes, but all parents need to reclaim their teenagers - not to ignore them because they don't seem to want them, or to give them more freedom than they think is safe, or more money than they can afford. There are signs the government is taking more interest in teenagers and may help parents to help themselves. Its five-year education strategy — which will include a green paper on youth — also reintroduces school uniforms, relieving an economic pressure on parents to help their teenagers compete with each other, and making it harder for children to play truant.

Alongside any government initiatives, parents themselves need to show to their own teenagers that they're available for them. A poll in the United States by the YMCA found that, while parents cite the fear of drugs as their main concern, teenagers listed not having enough time with their parents.

Luisa Dillner
19 August 2004

http://www.guardian.co.uk/analysis/story/0,3604,1286036,00.html

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