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Youth in crisis
The very mention of sexuality and teens in the same
breath is distasteful and unacceptable to many. The fact remains,
however, that teen sexuality is a very real issue -- one that will not
simply go away if ignored. But confronting the issue has to involve
hearing and understanding what our young people are saying to us.
The 14 teens interviewed for this series were
surprisingly casual and frank in discussing sex. Nearly all said they
had boyfriends or girlfriends. Most interesting was the type of
relationships they are having and the level of intimacy with which young
people are comfortable. Some of the 16- and 17-year-olds are maintaining
a confidence and closeness on a level much like a marital relationship.
Four of the teens interviewed specifically said they were closer to
their boyfriend or girlfriend than anyone else in their lives. One young
man said his girlfriend is the only person he trusts.
According to the Minnesota Center for 4H Youth
Development, there are several reasons why this trend is disturbing.
Although a teen's relationship with the opposite sex can be a healthy,
pertinent part of growing and maturing, it should not mimick the adult
relationship in intensity because a breakup will then be devastating.
The Center conducted a study which concluded that breaking up with a
boyfriend or girlfriend is one of the leading causes of severe
depression in young people.
We also must consider the quality of the relationship
models and examples we've given our children. If young people are
exposed to verbal or physical abuse, disrespect or strife in their
parents' relationships, then that learned behavior will carry over to
their own interaction with the opposite sex.
Thirdly, when young people become sexually active,
they are unknowingly taking what should be a permanent bond and
attempting to incorporate it in a casual, temporary environment. The
covenantal value of sex is then compromised and, once again, when a
breakup comes, teens are not equipped to handle the fallout. Issues of
guilt, shame, self-esteem, and tarnished reputation are just some of the
dangerous consequences. Failed sexual relationships among teens are
often the beginning of drug and alcohol use.
Among the students interviewed for this series, there
was one clear determining factor in their attitudes toward teen sex:
faith. All but one of the students who said they chose to refrain from
premarital sex cited biblical values taught by their parents as the
reason for their abstinence. Those who said they were sexually active
either didn't have, or didn't discuss, any spiritual influence in their
lives.
Despite some students' resolve to abstain from sex,
their attitudes about their peers' sexual activity were very casual. The
consensus seemed to be, "Even if I'm not having sex, I don't have a
problem with those who are." However, when discussing teen pregnancy and
sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), there was a stark contrast, with
teens becoming decidedly less forgiving. Although teen pregnancy in
their midst is not surprising or uncommon, the students all agreed that
teen girls who become pregnant are treated poorly by their peers.
Conversely, the teen boys who impregnate girls are given a "pass," so to
speak, by other teens. When discussing STDs, the students became
uncomfortable and fidgety, and indicated clearly that contracting such
diseases is seen as shameful and even unforgivable. Experts say these
conflicting attitudes toward teen sex, which is seen as acceptable, and
its negative repercussions, which are shunned, demonstrate how immature
and ill-prepared teens are to be sexually involved.
The teenagers' views and opinions expressed here can
lead us to several major conclusions. Sexual activity is physically and
psychologically unhealthy for teens. Moreover, it is often an attempt to
emulate adult behavior, although teens are unwilling and unable to deal
with the consequences of such behavior.
According to the Minnesota study, it is crucial that
parents understand they must not stop parenting when their kids turn 13,
15 or 17. The role of parents evolves as children grow, and the
parent/child relationship is what will determine teens' attitudes and
decisions. Just because a young person doesn't readily embrace the same
family games and social gatherings they used to enjoy, does not mean
they don't want anything to do with the family. Unfortunately, there are
many teens today who "fall through the cracks" -- they're not spending
time with family, nor do they have relationships with other teens.
Consequently, their time is spent with the television, internet, video
games and music, all of which freely promote, and even glorify,
premarital teen sex. If family activities are designed to accommodate
each age group, providing an important role for each family member, then
teens will be less inclined to separate from the family unit and begin
"playing house" on their own.
Although sociologists have recently cited a phenomenon
called "prolonged adolescence," whereby young people tend not to want to
grow up and assume responsibility as early as their baby-boomer parents,
teens still seem to expect all the fringe benefits that come with
growing up and being responsible. It's up to parents to help teens find,
understand and accept their "place" during this difficult age.
Finally, whatever a parent's views may be toward teen
or premarital sex, the most important element in raising healthy, happy
young people remains the same: communication. As uncomfortable as it may
be for some parents, they must find a way to discuss sex with their
teenagers, establish ground rules, and stay involved with their lives.
Our young people want, need, and expect no less from their parents.
2 October 2004
Carla Bastos
http://www.sulphurdailynews.com/articles/2004/10/02/news/news1.txt
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