US
A clinical psychologist considers defining masculinity
Society sends some boys down the wrong path
Despite the negativity you might hear from political candidates, particularly during an election year, I believe we are fortunate to live in one of the safest, most thoughtful and compassionate societies in human history. The vast majority of Americans are peace-loving, law-abiding, generous individuals who are trying to do their best while making their way in life. Unfortunately, given recent trends in society, one might wonder how long this will last.
One of the greatest challenges our society appears to be facing today concerns the healthy development of young men's identity. We seem to be staring at a cultural crisis as we try to adaptively define masculinity in an era of mass media saturation and parental absence. Our culture now routinely exposes our young men to violent video games, out-of-control sports figures, and music and movies with sadistic and depraved themes. Much of this material is being eagerly absorbed by young men, many of whom already live without adequate adult involvement in their lives. One has to wonder what the eventual cost of this phenomenon will be and whether we may already be seeing the effects of these trends in the apparent rise of sociopathic behavior.
In this context, the words of Joe Ehrman, a former Baltimore Colt who spoke at this year's recent Annapolis Touchdown Club dinner, were particularly meaningful. Mr. Ehrman, who played 13 years for the Colts football team, described being shaken by his younger brother's death from cancer, and ultimately being forced to look at himself and ask what life was really all about.
Since leaving the National Football League, Mr. Ehrman has worked as a pastor and focused on his mission of helping to teach young men what it truly means to be a man. He characterized three destructive myths that pervade our culture and send young men down the wrong path in adulthood. The myths that bombard young men from preschool on are centered in the idea that the true measure of a man can be found in his athletic ability, in sexual conquests and in the accumulation of wealth.
He described how parents, peers and even teachers begin treating the bigger or stronger physical performers preferentially from a very young age. Children who can run, throw or kick a ball well get an edge up and are regarded differently than their peers. They are given extra attention and more leeway than the average child, which leads to a culture of special privilege among athletes regardless of their character or other attributes.
Also, our culture's obsession with sex and indiscriminate sexual behavior also reinforces the concept that "winning conquests" is a meaningful measure of masculinity. This popular but wrongheaded message implies that multiple sexual conquests, having many different partners and practicing sexual "roaming" are characteristics of high masculinity and will lead to happiness. Of course, anecdotal and scientific evidence finds that nothing could be further from the truth with regard to men's true emotional needs.
An emphasis upon materialism that is promoted by a capitalistic society motivated to find every possible way to stimulate "sales" also has left an unfortunate impression upon our youth. While adults can usually understand the nature of advertising manipulation and are more capable of filtering these messages, many marketing programs prey directly upon our youth. While they were once protected, our young are now literally targeted for sales of everything from cereal to shoes. There is an unmistakable message that, if you possess the advertised product, you will be happy. This leads to a never ending and ultimately destructive effort to fill internal emotional needs with external "things."
These myths also naturally lead society and young men to hold professional athletes, sexually provocative individuals and materialistic individuals as role models even though they are poorly suited for the task. It also reinforces the media and advertisers' tendency to portray these qualities as the keys to both manhood and happiness. These beliefs among young men encourage an empty or even emotionally painful life.
So what really does define masculinity? What will actually lead young men to long-term happiness, stability and longevity? Fortunately, thousands of years of philosophy have already answered this question - although it is sometimes hard to find in the roar of our current culture.
Human happiness is best predicted by good health, meaningful pursuits and, most importantly, caring relationships with others. That means that true masculinity, like happiness, is grounded in healthy self-care, work with others, loving relationships and efforts to achieve something of meaning. These characteristics are a far cry from efforts to achieve dominance, sexual domain and personal excess, all of which are routinely promoted in our culture.
Imagine the benefits to our young men - and the importance to our society - if we could all collectively start working to change the message back to one of "character counts." We must turn down the sound on our mass media and start speaking as adults, teachers, coaches, mentors and role models in order to convince young men that honesty, integrity, love and dedication are deeply masculine traits that will not only serve each individual well, but will also improve the world we live in.
Perhaps we could all take on the challenge, much as Joe Ehrman has, to not only talk about the change, but to be the change.
Scott Smith
28 February 2008
http://www.hometownannapolis.com/cgi-bin/read/2008/02_28-04/LIF