Whenever I have the occasion to speak with professionals and parents
about the challenges of bringing an end to bullying in schools and
communities, I emphasize that “big” solutions – such as policies,
procedures, and trainings (I say, humbly, as a Bullying Prevention trainer)
are trumped each and every day by the seemingly little, yet extraordinarily
powerful, acts of compassion and kindness that adults show to the young
people in their lives. In turn, experts agree that fostering compassion in
young people is among the best ways to prevent verbal, physical, and
emotional aggression from taking root. Below, I detail eight ways to help
your child and/or student develop compassion both as a character trait and a
behavioral style:
1. Walk the talk
Children may listen to
your words, but more importantly, they learn from observing your actions.
When you have a chance to practice a random act of compassion, do so! When
you are frustrated in an interpersonal interaction, express your displeasure
in words that show respect for the dignity of the person you are addressing.
When you encounter a person who needs help, stop what you are doing and tend
to them, even (read: especially!) if it is not particularly convenient to do
so. Remember: opportunities to show compassion do not occur by appointment.
Show young people that anytime is the right time to engage in acts of
service and compassion for others.
2. Put the child on the
receiving end of compassion
While showing compassion to others is a
top way to teach this value to a child, allowing a young person to
experience compassion first-hand is even more impactful. When your child is
hurt or sick, be sure to provide abundant TLCC (tender, loving,
compassionate care.) It may sound obvious, but tending to a child when he is
feeling down or under the weather is the best way to teach him how to show
compassion to others.
3. Talk the talk
Most children can learn about true
compassion by seeing and feeling this trait acted out, but when parents talk
explicitly about acts of compassion, they communicate its importance as a
prized family value. As you watch television or movies with your child, be
sure to point out instances where compassion was shown – or should have been
shown! Talk about people who particularly need compassion, such as the
elderly and children living in poverty.
4. Volunteer your time
When children become actively involved
in acts of showing compassion to others, they learn about this value in a
very deep and enduring way. Find age-appropriate ways to introduce your
child to volunteering, such as visiting a nursing home and sharing a craft
activity with a resident, serving a meal at a homeless shelter, helping to
organize a canned food drive, collecting coats to donate to needy children,
or even participating in a charity walk for a specific cause. These
activities are at once meaningful and fun, which makes them especially
effective in getting kids to routinely think compassionately about the needs
of others.
5. Care for a pet
Bringing a pet into a family is certainly
not a step to be taken lightly or impulsively, but it is worth giving
serious consideration to providing your young person with the experience of
caring for an animal, as a way to foster compassion. Children who care for
pets learn important values such as responsibility, unconditional love,
empathy, and compassion for all living things.
6. Read all about
It
Children’s books are great for providing a window into the
experiences of others. As a School Counselor, my go-to children’s writer is
Trudy Ludwig, the award-winning author of such books as My Secret Bully
(my all-time favorite pick for sparking conversations with kids about
bullying and relational aggression) and The Invisible Boy, a great
read for inspiring empathy and compassion for young people who find
themselves on the periphery of school social hierarchies. For older kids,
check out biographies of famous figureheads of compassion, such as the Dalai
Lama or Mother Theresa.
7. Compassion It™
In recent years, rubber wristbands have
become a ubiquitous symbol of causes and concerns. While most of the
messages are positive and inspiring, I must admit that their sheer
common-ness resulted in me stopping reading the various messages on friends’
wrists. Until recently. I noticed a two-tone band that a relative was
turning over and felt compelled to ask about it. It was a Compassion It
band, she explained. Every morning, she puts the band on her wrist with its
black side facing outward, as a personal reminder to act compassionately
toward someone else. When such an act is committed each day, she turns the
bracelet to its white side.
What a great idea – so simple, yet such a powerful reminder to prioritize
kindness and make compassion a part of her everyday routine. Needless to
say, I went online and bought a band for myself and one for each of my
daughters right away. Does this turn compassion into a chore, you may ask.
Am I making kindness into a To-Do list item for my kids, you wonder. Nope,
not at all, I say with confidence. Quite the contrary: the bands have turned
compassion into an everyday topic of conversation in our household and has
effectively elevated kindness into a priority in each of our days. Best.
Bracelet. Ever.
8. Make a wish
Acts of life-changing
compassion can be only a click away. Use the internet to introduce your
child to different charitable organizations that provide compassionate
assistance to others. The Make-a-Wish Foundation provides hope, strength,
and joy to children with life-threatening medical conditions. While for
younger kids, the site may be too heart-wrenching or scary, older kids can
have a truly impactful experience of being able to provide tangible help and
joy to a peer. The experience can be life-changing for both giver and
receiver.
Signe Whitson
Signe Whitson is a school counselor, author, and national speaker on topics related to stopping bullying and promoting children’s mental health.
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