We are often advised to walk the talk – that is, we shouldn’t expect people to do what we cannot do ourselves, we should put ourselves into other people’s shoes, we should lead by doing rather than telling, and we should put our verbal undertakings into action ...

In a special way, though, child and youth care workers must also talk the walk. This means that, with many of the kids we work with, we must help them with the words and the meanings of what they are experiencing day by day.

In our profession we are usually good, for example, at reflecting feelings. This is an important part of our training, and we know that hurt children’s fears, anxieties and instinctive acts are often scary and overwhelming for them, making them feel lost, out of control, or guilty.

Neglected children who lost out on the normal complex interaction with parents didn’t get to understand meaning or learn from sequences. When they were distressed and whiny, their parent maybe picked them up or just as likely walked out and slammed the door; when they became excited and spilled something the parent sometimes wiped up the mess and at other times smacked them. Not knowing what to expect, they became anxious about their feelings which led to these erratic, often punitive, reactions. When we give them words for their feelings, they are reassured that we recognise and acknowledge the feelings, that there are such feelings, that they are permitted, and they even have names. So we talk their walk.

Similarly, troubled kids often need help in making sense of what happens to them from day to day, how they fit into the action, how they may cause events and how they are in turn affected by them. We show them what they did to make someone pleased or angry; we tell them how they are growing and when they learn new things, we celebrate what they have achieved and contributed .

This is not a difficult or highly technical task, but a necessary and generous one as we, as adults, offer commentary on their actions and experiences, their effectiveness, and their impact upon those around them. We should be consciously busy at this throughout the day. We are not moralising but offering information and meaning. We tie together for them cause and effect, and they learn from our words and explanations (no matter that they learn these things later than other kids) ideas and constructs and the universal laws of people and things and behaviour.

We talk the walk.