The complete set of 198 Hints are available in paperback from the CYC-Net Press store.
Listen
Forever didn’t last that long
and let’s be honest,
the eons lovers promise one another
seldom come along,
and we were no different..
– Lionel Bastos
Longings for forever are never mature positions. It is when we are most down that we seek everlasting solutions. "I wish this was finally over. I never want to go through this again. I would like to spend the rest of my life ..."
The desire to escape, to run away and hide, is common when someone has been through sustained tough times. Many of the youth we work with will express similar feelings when they have been through some trauma or prolonged family trouble, a loss or a separation. During their time of respite we can allow them their wish for permanent peace, no hassles, and indeed this is what respite is for.
But to remain in a state of forever, of no change, is unhealthy. All will agree that a healthy state of mind is characterised by openness to new information, the willingness to be changed by new experiences, being in constant engagement with and accommodation to the real world.
In our practice today we are conscious of kids who are in need to some time out, whether it’s half-an-hour after a difficult incident – or a week or two after a more threatening personal or family experience. But we will also be conscious of kids who must move on with their lives, who needed to hang loose "forever" but whom we must now encourage and challenge to re-engage. In a while they will know themselves to have had the time and space to re group and be refreshed.
Forever didn’t last that long.
