The complete set of 198 Hints are available in paperback from the CYC-Net Press store.
Listen
We can be tempted (or sometimes bullied) into believing that we are responsible for the behaviour of our group of kids. When there is "bad" behaviour we might imagine our seniors and supervisors to be looking across at us with disapproval. When a neighbour complains about something a youth has done the subtext may seem to be "Why can’t you get your kids to behave?"
This kind of thinking pressures us into regimenting and controlling our group so that we don’t have to feel guilty when things go wrong. What’s really wrong with this is that we are treating the kids like puppets, imposing on them some arbitrary level of behaviour, and not growing the self-value, the self-responsibility and the self-regulation of the youngsters themselves. And each kid will be at a different place along this continuum of growth – and we must know at what point each one is. If we don’t know this, we will be offering inappropriate experiences, protection, control, sanctions and learning to them today.
And we will be expecting inappropriate behaviour, that is, behaviour inappropriate to their level of learning and development.
Hoghughi talked about balancing the ends of this continuum:
"The balance between directiveness and self-determination
must move slowly but surely from the former to the
latter if the child is to
become able to function with the appropriate degree of autonomy in a society
in which he
cannot be eternally protected from taking the consequences of
his actions."
Of course we have to provide an environment of safety and order, but beyond that, today in our practice we will be conscious of what each of our kids is working at (and on what level), realising – whatever our seniors and neighbours might think – that a child should be able to manage what has been properly taught and will usually not manage that which he has not been taught. Today we are teaching for the child's tomorrow.
Reference
Hoghughi, M, et al (1988) Treating problem children: Issues, methods and practice. London: Sage, p.44
