The complete set of 198 Hints are available in paperback from the CYC-Net Press store.
Listen
Be honest. How often do you plan to "see a kid" or "talk to a kid" when all you really want is compliance or some decrease in an unwelcome or scary behaviour? "How about easing up on the aggro?" we loom, or "This truanting of yours is now going too far." In short, we meet with the kid with the message to "Shape up" and hope to buy instant success -- and maybe an extra day of peace and quiet.
It is fair enough for us to stress program rules or treatment goals, but, deep down, we know that real change will only come when the youngster starts to see things differently and makes an own decision for prosocial and positive functioning. And this is ‘slowly, slowly, catchee monkey’ work.
We do know that kids need to believe in us and we need to believe in them to get this process under way. Doing no more than "seeing" them or "talking to" them isn’t enough. Also, kids aren’t easily going to figure out what lies behind their own attitudes and behaviours unless their experience gets into the negotiable currency of words. So we must spend time listening and showing that we understand. And that in any event we care about them. We get to be believable and of influence when we have been the long way round ... and when kids get to take from us something new and different for their lives, there is hope for long-term benefits.
When youngsters eventually leave us we should be able to write more than "obedient, punctual and courteous" on their report card. Like "left with some new questions, some new insights and some new hopes about being able to cope in the real world." Or something like that.
Long benefits, not short gains.
