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Listen
We know well that an authoritarian attitude does not sit well with kids – any kids, but especially with those who for some reason feel unsafe, untrusting or let down. The authoritarian adult does not only demand compliance on the part of a child; he wants power and control for himself. Authoritarianism is quickly recognised by its frequently arbitrary demands. "Do whatever I tell you" feeds the need of the controller – but is ultimate exposure and disempowerment for the victim.
In the cultures in which most of us live, there is respect for the rights and the wishes of others. One prefers to ask, invite or recommend rather than command or order. Much of our skill in engaging with young people lies in seeking their acquiescence in our presence and in the roles we perform, and generally we earn that acquiescence by demonstrating good will and trustworthiness.
But there are times when we have to decide what is best for kids – when we are expected to be (not authoritarian, but authoritative.) Times when, in terms of our understanding of a youth’s circumstances and of his or her developmental status, of the nature of a particular problem and the youth’s current way of interpreting and reacting to a situation, we may have to step in and make decisions. In short, there are times when any intelligent and reliable adult would take charge of a situation – when a kid was in danger or at risk, however those terms may be defined.
In our practice today we will demonstrate the appropriate respect for the preferences and rights of those we work with. But like any adults acting in good faith, there may be occasions when we must insist on a course of action. Indeed (as long as we are not seeking obedience for its own sake, or for ours!) we will act like any good adults as we share the space and lives of others.
(I would be interested to hear the views of others, especially the circumstances in which the thrust of this practice hint may or may not be applicable. – BG)
