CYC-Net

CYC-Net on Facebook CYC-Net on Twitter Search CYC-Net

Join Our Mailing List

Practice Hints

A collection of short practice pointers for work with children, youth and families.

The complete set of 198 Hints are available in paperback from the CYC-Net Press store.

CYC Hints 1CYC Hints 2CYC Hints 3

ListenListen to this

Freedom to express

All cultures have complex rules and limits about manners and politeness. As they grow up, children and youth get to learn the nuances around what is acceptable and what is not. Moreover, they learn to fine art of being able to discriminate between people and situations where the laws about these things may be more or less flexible.

Or they don’t.

In troubled families it may be that there has been too much changeability, too much unpredictability, too much extreme emotion being expressed, too many raw words being tossed around, so that the kids haven’t learned the subtleties – and indeed have picked up much of the family patois.

In our programs, probably more often in residential programs, there is often some emphasis on manners and politeness – often there are senior staff or (gasp!) actual board members or donors walking about – and there may be strong sanctions against insults and expletives. When young people’s strong opinions and harsh language is also interpreted by staff members as defiance and impertinence, we may pull rank on them and order them to "Be quiet!" or even need to shore up our egos with threats like "Don’t you dare speak to me like that!"

We should think about this.

The axiom is simple: If we don’t allow kids to tell us what they are thinking and feeling we may not get to know what they are thinking and feeling.

In our practice today we will be aware of what level of development and progress our children and youth have reached and what tasks are appropriate for today. We will also be aware that we do not produce sweetness and light in young people by command; those are qualities which may or may not arrive when they feel safe, significant and loved.

And while they are limited to such ways of communicating, we don’t stop them expressing their feelings just because they do so in inappropriate or offensive ways. Our job is to translate the slammed door, the abusive rejection or forthright insult into a useful clinical insight which helps us to make sense of their view of their world and to work out how to move forward with them. Tomorrow is another day.

The International Child and Youth Care Network
THE INTERNATIONAL CHILD AND YOUTH CARE NETWORK (CYC-Net)

Registered Public Benefit Organisation in the Republic of South Africa (PBO 930015296)
Incorporated as a Not-for-Profit in Canada: Corporation Number 1284643-8

P.O. Box 23199, Claremont 7735, Cape Town, South Africa | P.O. Box 21464, MacDonald Drive, St. John's, NL A1A 5G6, Canada

Board of Governors | Constitution | Funding | Site Content and Usage | Advertising | Privacy Policy | Contact us

iOS App Android App