The complete set of 198 Hints are available in paperback from the CYC-Net Press store.
Listen
The future and today"I tried so hard to be what I ought, that I forgot who I am."
So says a young person looking back a period during his time in care. The lament raises one of the age-old debates in child development and education: Is childhood a period when we should be devoting our time to preparation for our future life? – or Is childhood a period of life in its own right which kids are already living?
Another young person: "I suppose that you were trying to encourage me, but you were always telling me what I could be – as though what I was was of no value." We Child and Youth Care workers inadvertently do this all the time with our kids. "Today you should be studying so that you pass your school grades at the end of the year." "You should be preparing for the time you have to look for a job." "Save your money for tomorrow." "We’re teaching you this because when the time comes ..." "There will be time enough for you to do this; in the mean time there are more important things ..." Recognise any of these?
It is true that contemporary life does lay down certain hoops for young people to jump through, certain transition periods which they have to negotiate before passing on to the next – such as moving from grade school to high school; from high school to whatever comes next. But these are externally imposed criteria for success (as against failure). We forget that as young people pass from primary school to high school, from school to work, they are developing and growing in themselves. They have a growing capacity for knowing their world, for knowing themselves, for identifying what interests them and attracts them, what they like and don’t like – and what they would choose for themselves. And they only gain such capacities when they are already experiencing, exploring, comparing, choosing, enjoying ... They only get to make their own choices when they have experience in making choices, in weighing up the plusses and minuses incurred in taking certain directions.
Yes, long-term future planning is always important, but today’s job is to enable youngsters to experience their world as positive and interesting and worth relating to ... and to experience themselves as competent enough and valuable enough to be worth taking care of. To kids, being seen as future high school graduates or future bank clerks is less valued, today, than being acknowledged as John and Beth.
In our practice today, and especially for young people in care who may have a whole bunch of gaps in their opportunities and experience, we should be more interested by bed time in how they are, what (whatever) they did and felt and experienced today, how they are seeing themselves as themselves and in how they are negotiating their world.
