Having something to say

There are two truths in child and youth care work which can often fight against each other. One is that amongst our most powerful tools for guiding and working with kids are companionship and conversation: unless we spend time with them and exchange ideas, we will have little impact.
The other truth is that too often, however, we come from such different backgrounds, cultures and educational experiences that we find that we have little in common with each other. It’s our job to redress this.
In work with young people and families in difficulty, it is not enough that you know about them. You must know them — know not only what bugs them and hurts them and enrages them, but also what moves them, inspires them, draws them. And you will never get to know kids at this level unless you spend time with them and exchange ideas. What do we have to say? How do we get started?
Always have in your pocket some of the small change of conversation. Take an honest interest in something which each young person you work with is interested in. Know enough to come on shift with a recollection or an opinion of a movie, a CD, a sports event, a pastime, anything that might help you establish what Brendtro called a "relationship beachhead". By this he means landing on another’s shores, gaining a foothold of contact, knowing something of the language, sowing the seeds of a dialogue, which might lead to a follow-up encounter ... and hopefully, then, towards a relationship. (Read Brendtro’s ideas on this*.)
Arrive on shift with some headlines or editorialising on last night’s football match (motor race, prize fight, baseball game ...) or concert (soap episode, school play ...) or news event (disaster, achievement, controversy ...) When you know something about skateboards, make-up, fishing, fashions, internal combustion engines ... you can get as far as some person-to-person, role-free conversation.
Which brings us to another truth about child and youth care work: often it is enough to get only as far as the conversation. When you and a young person are able to talk about anything, you are both feeling part of it, listened to, valued, functional, mutual, competent, significant ... You have probably already achieved something important which the youngster needed from our program.
It all starts with having something to say.

* Brendtro, L. (1969) Establishing relationship beachheads, in Trieschman, A., Whittaker, J. and Brendtro L. The Other 23 Hours: Child care work with emotionally disturbed children in a therapeutic milieu. New York: Aldine de Gruyter. (Start on page 85 ...)