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Listen to this
In any program with demanding or difficult youth, we try to avoid the kind of rules which we make up along the way or which are there to make life easier more for the program than for the kids.
We all fall into the trap. When there’s something happening which we can’t get a handle on, we get legislative and draw a solid black line which says "Thus far and no further!" There’s no easier way to get into some head-to-head stuff with youngsters. These rules get personal; they are ours and we become over-attached to them, while the kids are always ready to take a shy at them.
Wherever possible, play by the rules which everyone knows, or those which are plain natural. When you get the youngsters involved in soccer, basketball, darts, monopoly, scrabble, whatever, these games have their own rules. Youth who are battling to come to terms with their (often unfair) worlds easily accept the universality of these rules, they accept the judgements, they cannot blame anyone, losing or winning are dispassionate outcomes, and they achieve (or don’t) on a level playing field. They are also, by the way, learning both the games and the laws which will last them a lifetime.
The same is true with life’s own laws. Try to base your early mornings on the school’s starting time rather than your own timetable; get the kids in touch with the bus and train schedules which have their own authority; let them come up against the library’s penalty for late books; and earn advancement through the Scouts or Guides. And if they’re late for dinner, it’s enough that their food is cold. All of these are just facts of life, whether we’re young or old, children or caregivers, and they are part of the best possible training ground.
Get natural!
