INDEX OF QUOTES
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Children thrive in an environment in which they are to a certain degree pampered and indulged. Even doing this symbolically tells the children, ‘We think you are special.” Many programs that deal with deprived children would say that they work sensitively to heal their clients’ wounds. Unfortunately, we have found that many programs approach the children with the attitude, ‘Life is unfair; you need to shape up and accept it.” Although everyone must eventually accept what is unfair in life, forcing these children, who have been through the most terrible experiences, to accept this perspective early in their treatment is, in reality, to refuse to come to grips with their rage and pain. If the children acquiesce, they may learn to suppress their anger to avoid retribution. But the rage remains inside, often just below the surface. An alternative is to accept that the children have valid, understandable reasons for feeling as they do, and to take the clinical stance that says, ‘I understand that life has been very unfair to you. To the extent that I am able to, I will make restitution.” Naturally, many therapists resist the notion that taking even indirect responsibility for acts of adults who have treated the children so poorly can be therapeutic. They feel it will provoke the children to lash out against the treatment team. That has not been our experience. The key point is that when the children first enter the treatment program, they are unable to differentiate between adult figures. In the children’s mind, all adults are in cahoots against them; all treat children badly. Although the compensation the clinicians provide is at best symbolic, and in reality quite limited compared to what these children have been through, it presents the children with a more positive view of human relationships. The children can then begin to consider making the psychological adjustments that would permit them to move beyond their previous trauma. Indeed, the children’s ability to distinguish adults who hurt from those who help marks a major step in the therapeutic process. |
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