NUMBER 139 • 28 OCTOBER 2002 •  LOVING THE UNLOVABLE
INDEX OF QUOTES

	Very often, the child most in need of attachment is the one least likely to elicit nurturant behavior from adults. Some even try to make themselves repugnant to the adult to fend off relationships. One therapist says that when he encounters such an “unlovable” person, he tries to visualize how the individual might have looked as a small child, thereby correcting his own negative bias. Fritz Redl (1952) strongly attacked the common notion that some children are so bad that they “don’t deserve” positive attention: The children must get plenty of love and affection whether they deserve it or not.... Gratifying life situations cannot be made the bargaining tools of educational or even therapeutic motivation, but must be kept tax-free as minimal parts of the youngster’s diet, irrespective of the problems of deservedness. Some children may not be “attractive” enough to those in their life to secure the nurturance they need from peers or adults. If teachers are drawn only to the brightest students, those who are undistinguished may become “the forgotten half.” Children who are withdrawn or strong-willed or those with mental or physical inadequacies may not find others lining up to build relationships with them. The child who is from a different economic or cultural background is sometimes ignored or rejected. Adults need to take affirmative action to enhance the attractibility of all young persons to their peers. This will require teaching students to see the positive qualities in all persons as well as helping the reluctant youth to become a more attractive candidate for friendship.
	LARRY BRENDTRO, MARTIN BROKENLEG and STEVE VAN BOCKERN Brendtro, L. K., Brokenleg, M. and Van Bockern, S. (1992) Reclaiming Youth at Risk: Our hope for the future. Bloomington: National Education Service

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

References

Redl, F. (1952). Controls from within. New York: Free Press

 

 

 

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