INDEX OF QUOTES
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Anger in a disturbed child is so much a part of anxiety that it is hard to disentangle the two feelings, but if the experience that the child is reacting to is one in which he might appropriately be angry—as when he has been attacked by another child—it is important to help him realize this feeling. It is important to help him direct his anger to the right person: "It’s not me you’re angry at. It was Tommy who hit you. You can let him know you’re angry." In a withdrawn child angry behaviour is often a real gain; it means that he is at last able to release some of the feelings that he has been holding in behind his facade of withdrawal. As was said earlier, it is important not to force him to turn his aggression back on himself. This point needs emphasis, because inexperienced workers are likely to feel that a child who suddenly becomes aggressive and difficult is "worse." In many cases it is the child’s first step toward health, and if the worker is observant, he may notice that the same child is making little advances in his positive relation to people at the same time; for instance he may put his arms around the worker when he has never done so before. A child’s first angry behaviour may take deplorable forms. Because he is angry at the biggest and strongest child in the room, he may turn on the smallest and weakest and try to beat him up. Workers have to know how to restrain him without damaging his ability to get appropriately angry the next time. He has a right to his anger, and if his earliest efforts to express it are not those of a good Boy Scout, we should hardly be surprised. Likely as not, the first target of his anger will be the worker—in the long process of teasing and defying that workers refer to as "testing." The worker is the safest target, because the child knows he will not retaliate. For months on end, the child may continue to do the things that he knows will bother the worker the most: he may dawdle with dressing, wet the floor just after the worker has taken him to the bathroom, or tear up other children’s artwork. He seems to be fulfilling the double need of expressing his pent-up anger and assuring himself that the workers will still accept him no matter how bad he is. Workers can shorten this process if they recognize the feeling and talk about it to the child. |
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