NUMBER 1043 • 11 SEPTEMBER • my self
Another question the importance of which I have learned in my own experience is:
- Can I be strong enough as a person to be separate from the other?
- Can I be a sturdy respecter of my own feelings, my own needs, as well as his?
- Can I own and, if need be, express my own feelings as something belonging to me and separate from his feelings?
- Am I strong enough in my own separateness that I will not be downcast by his depression, frightened by his fear, nor engulfed by his dependency?
- Is my inner self hardy enough to realize that I am not destroyed by his anger, taken over by his
need for dependence, nor enslaved by his love, but that I exist separate from him with feelings
and rights of my own?
When I can freely feel this strength of being a separate person, then I find that I can let myself go much more deeply in understanding and accepting him because I am not fearful of losing myself.
Rogers, C, R. (1961) On Becoming A Person: A Therapist’s view of psychotherapy. London: Constable & Company Ltd, p.52