INDEX OF QUOTES
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There is a popular misconception that some feelings are bad and others are good. Adults convey this message to children and, eventually, some grow up believing that it is bad to get angry, to cry, to feel afraid and, in some instances, to feel pleasure. This same understanding is carried on with thoughts and behaviors to the extreme, where some children see themselves in a type of schizophrenia where there exists the good me and the bad me. When this misconception is applied to gender stereotypes, we find males expressing anger and females expressing sadness more than any other emotions. These predominant emotions are often secondary in relation to the original emotion. This happens in the male child who is prompted to express anger even when he feels afraid, sad, or alone. The female child also experiences this when she is prompted to express sadness and fear through her tears when actually she may be feeling angry, frustrated or misunderstood. Another misconception is that it is acceptable to feel anger, but not to be too angry, or to feel sorrow, but not feel too much sorrow, or to feel grief, but not to grieve too much. This misconception also interferes with the essential information and messages that emotions convey. That is, they tell us of our experiences. Children need an environment that allows them to become familiar with all of their emotions and to learn to decode the messages they send and receive. This will allow them opportunities to develop effective, socially acceptable, behavioral strategies and thought processes in response to their experiences in life. Child and youth care professionals need to promote an environment that makes the expression of emotions a natural and spontaneous act. The expression of emotion does need to be structured and controlled within socially acceptable parameters. The best way to structure the expression of emotion is to first experience and understand the emotion and its messages. The basic message of most emotions is the expression of a want or need or a satisfaction of a want or need. Emotions tell us what it is that we want or need which give us clues on how we should behave, think, and live in the world. Emotions often tell us what we need to change and what we should not change. They tell us how we react to certain individuals and in certain situations. They are a form of energy that can motivate and create, that can immobilize and destroy. When emotions are accepted, expected, and cherished, the individual is acknowledged. The affective aspect of the conscious self and the unconscious self is reflected or transmitted by the emotions and, when these are revered, then so is the individual. |
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