NUMBER 999 • 10 JULY •
Relationship beachheads
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Two hundred years ago, Johann Pestalozzi described the – greatest challenge in
work with difficult children as being able to give correction and discipline
while convincing youngsters of one’s genuine love. In Austria, Anna Freud
(1895-1982) and August Aichhorn (1878-1949) worked with “wayward youth” and saw
their problems as stemming from unmet needs for love.’ Some with a more
scientific bent did not buy this love talk. John Watson, the founder of
behavioral psychology, took a contrary position. He argued that adults should
avoid excessive emotional involvement and treat children in a “sensible” way. He
gave parents this advice:
Watson’s notions did not hold up to scientific scrutiny. In parenting, as in therapy and teaching, positive relationships have proven to be the foundation of success. Whatever the treatment or educational model, there is widespread recognition that relationships are a necessary precondition to effective intervention (Gold, 1995; Hubble, Duncan, & Miller, 1999). Trusting bonds provide protective emotional experiences that refute deeply held distrust. But adult-wary children fear what they need most: a bond with a trusted adult.
Why do some youth view even well-meaning adults as dangerous and not to be trusted? This attitude of distrust has served them well on numerous occasions to protect against threatening or unpredictable adults, so they approach new adults in the same manner. In the child’s private logic, beneath the friendly “front” of the adult is a person who, like others before, is not to be trusted (Trieschman, Whittaker, & Brendtro, 1969). When a child is adult wary or shows extreme rebellion, it is usually a sign that adults have not met the child’s basic needs for secure attachment and autonomy (Newman & Newman, 1986). Such children are unlikely to learn from adults, internalize values, or respect authority. |
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