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23 November
NO 1247
Restoring social bonds
How should a society, a community, or a group respond when its members cause pain and harm to one another? This question is as old as human experience and only two answers have arisen:
Those who hurt others must be made to suffer; this is the definition of justice in dominator cultures. Reinforcing this principle is the human brain, which is hard-wired for retribution.
Those who hurt others must restore their broken bonds; this is the type of justice practised in communities that treat all members as relatives. This restorative principle gains support from many great spiritual traditions. (Hadley, M. (Ed.) 2001).
While restorative approaches are also grounded in scientific evidence and practice wisdom, how we treat others ultimately comes down to a question of values. A leader in restorative approaches contends the core value that must govern our approach to human conflict is respect, even for those who are different or are seen as enemies (Zehr, H. 2002). The value of respect demands that we respond to the needs of all, those who are hurt as well as those who harm others. All need healing.
Young people need to understand the consequences their actions have on others. This requires teaching them to respect others and mend broken bonds. The core value of the community becomes: No one has the right to hurt themselves or others and everyone has the responsibility to help.
In a society where alienation between children and adults is widespread, many youth seek out other adult-detached peers to meet their needs. Weakly bonded to family or school, they form negative youth subcultures and become trapped in self-centred, exploitative lifestyles. Angry and lacking hope and purpose, they neither respect themselves nor treat others respectfully. They desperately need prosocial modelling and values from caring adults and peers. Instead, their antisocial behaviour often results only in punishment and exclusion, which further weakens their social bonds.
By their actions, young people in conflict can destroy connections with their peers, caregivers, or teachers. A fight in a classroom may result in the student being excluded from future classes or avoiding school the next day. An argument between a caregiver and a child may result in tension and inability to continue relating. An act of violence against a community member may result in rejection from family and community.
When connections are broken, even for short periods of time, the pain experienced by all parties calls for restoration. Young people need encouragement and support to restore bonds as soon as possible. Prolonged disconnections create alienation, fuel animosity, and cause further conflict and rejection.
Creating respectful relationships often requires a fundamental change in the values and thinking patterns that have caused youths to hurt themselves or others. Underlying these expectations is a belief that even highly troubled youths have strengths and potentials, and that they are able to assume responsibility for their lives and make positive contributions to others. This involves specific techniques for reversing responsibility, confronting with concern, fostering a spirit of service, and helping youth find purpose (Gibbs, J., Potter, G., Goldstein, A and Brendtro, L. 1996).
LARRY BRENDTRO AND LESLEY DU TOIT
Brendtro, L and Du Toit, L. (2005). Response Ability Pathways: Restoring Bonds of Respect. Cape Town. Pretext.
REFERENCES
Gibbs, J., Potter, G.,Goldstein, A.and Brendtro, L. (1996). From harassment to helping with antisocial youth: The EQUIP program. Reclaiming Children and Youth, 5, 1. pp. 40-46.
Hadley, M. (Ed.). (2001). The spiritual roots of restorative justice. Albany, NY. Stae University of New York Press.
Zehr, H. (2002). The little book of restorative justice. Intercourse, PA. Good Books.
