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2 FEBRUARY 2009
NO 1395
Separations
Some of the obvious periods of anxiety are times of separation, for example, when a child is admitted to or discharged from a treatment center, in a lesser degree when children in residential treatment say good-by to their parents after a visit, when those in day care leave their parents in the morning, or when a worker whom the children are dependent on goes off duty. At such times a worker can help the child with his feelings. This help can often take the form of response to the feeling, rather than statements about the feeling. In the case of the newly admitted child, one worker is usually assigned to show him around, introduce him to children and workers, assure him that he will be cared for and that it is natural to be scared in a new place and to miss his mother and father. Other separation pangs, for example, after visits, can be dealt with similarly. The worker going off duty can tell the children when he will be on duty again, and he may also say who will care for them in the meantime and reiterate that they will be safe. Even when a worker whom the children are accustomed to depending on has to leave the group temporarily for some reason, he may find it wise to tell them as he leaves when he will be back and who will care for them while he is gone. Similarly, the substitute worker, if he notes signs of unusual anxiety among the children during the absence of their regular worker, can assure them that their worker is only away for a time, that he will be back, and if possible just when to expect him. In addition, the absence of one of the children from the group can in itself make the others anxious and should be explained to them.
The writers can recall one totally nonverbal eight-year-old child, sitting with other children at a table for a "meeting" and pointing to each of the others over and over until one of the adults recognized that he was missing one of his mates. When he was told, "Sammy is all right. He is a little upset, and Sarah is talking to him in the other room," he stopped pointing and attended to the business of the meeting.
It is good practice to state habitually
to the group why a child is out of the room, what is happening (he is
safe), and when he will be back. If a child is absent from a day care
group for a day or several days, it is important to remember to tell the
children why he is away (he isn't feeling well, he is resting, his
mother is taking good care of him) and when he will be back. Permanent
departure of anyone from the group, worker or child, needs careful
preparation. If a worker is leaving, it is desirable if possible that
the children meet their new worker before the old one has left and that
they be assured many times over that the new worker will take good care
of them just as the former worker has done. And the departing worker
should be prepared for some punishment at the hands of the children.
They will almost certainly act up or regress during his last days of
duty. It is good if the former worker can come back for a visit or two,
so that the children will not have the fantasy that people die or simply
disappear when they leave the group. When a child is being discharged
from the group, the other children should know where and why he is going
– "He is better now and is going to a regular school" or perhaps "He is
going to a different center where people will help him." Often when a
worker or a child is leaving, a good-by party is part of the ceremony.
GENEVIEVE FOSTER,
ELEANORE KRONER,
NANCY TREVORROW CARBONARA AND GEORGE COHEN
Foster, G.W.; Kroner, E.R.; Carbonara, N.T. and Cohen,
G.M. (1981). The worker and individual relationships. In Foster, G.W.;
VanderVen, K.; Kroner, E.R; Carbonara, N.T. and Cohen, G.M. Child
Care Work With Emotionally Disturbed Children. University of
Pittsburgh Press.pp. 38-40.
