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27 MAY 2009
NO 1441
Listening
Joan McCord and other researchers (2005) have opened our eyes to the truth that some programs, though they are designed to positively impact youth, unintentionally contribute to negative behavior by bringing together youth with problem behaviors (such as drug use) and creating an environment in which negative behavior is normalized and even emulated. In fact, it seems that in many instances young people are more influenced by their peers than by their elders. The American Youth Policy Forum released a report titled Less Hype, More Help (Mendel, 2000) which stated that "two of the characteristics found almost uniformly in delinquent youth are lack of attachment to caring adults and lack of involvement in positive activities."
If it is our intention to mitigate the potential negative impact that peers can have on one another, creating and strengthening relationships between youth and adults who care about them is clearly an important strategy. Whether those adults are parents, other family members, teachers, clergy, neighbors, or mentors, an important component of that attachment must be a willingness to listen to youth and hear their concerns.
Listening is an important way of building self-esteem in young people. When we listen to them, we affirm their value and worth as human beings as we demonstrate our willingness to give them our time and energy. Often listening is a better strategy than giving advice, asking prying questions, or even giving false reassurances that "everything will work out." Listening shows a willingness to walk alongside a young person rather than a desire to lead the way.
In our interactions with youth, we are often listening to their behavior as much as we are listening to their words. As caregiving adults, our challenge becomes interpreting the messages in both nonverbal and verbal communication we receive from youth. As we consider the behaviors of youth, we must consider that all behavior is communicating a need, desire, emotion, or feeling. When we are fortunate enough to have the opportunity to listen to verbal messages from a youth, we need to rise above the position of "usual" or "average" listener in a youth's life, and we need to consider skills that set us apart. It feels good to really be listened to. This feeling can motivate a youth to choose to connect with a caring adult in times of conflict rather than to seek out negative peer influences.
Empathic Listening is a specific approach to listening that is taught in the Nonviolent Crisis Intervention' training program (Crisis Prevention Institute, 2006). It is an approach which gives staff touchstones that remind them to allow a young person to talk through an issue or concern and avoid the temptation to solve the problem for her. It takes the burden off the listener to not have to have all the answers. Giving advice, especially to teenagers, usually backfires anyway because adult advice is often just seen as another lecture in misunderstanding.
JUDITH SCHUBERT
Schubert, J. (2007). Engaging youth with the power of listening. Reclaiming Children and Youth, 15, 4. pp.227-228.
REFERENCES
Crisis Prevention Institute. (2006). Instructor manual for the Nonviolent Crisis Intervention' training program. Brookfield, WI: Author.
Gifford-Smith, M., Dodge, K. A., Dishion, T. J., & McCord, J. (2005, June). Peer influence in children and adolescents: Crossing the bridge from developmental to intervention science. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology. Retrieved August 16, 2006, from http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi m0902/is 3 33/ai _n13785278
Mendel, R. A. (2000). Less hype, more help: Reducing juvenile crime, what works-and what doesn't. Washington, DC: American Youth Policy Forum.
