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Quote

Just a short piece ...

26 AUGUST 2009

NO 1479

Stealing

"My son of nine is stealing from shops. What can I do?"

There is really no simple answer; each case is different. I am convinced that most stealing by children is due to a lack of love at home. If you have not given your son love for nine years, it is hard to say just how to make up for the deficiency over night.

Every child steals at one time or another. Most adults will smuggle if they can – a customs official once told me he kept his eye on parsons. A good parent will not make a fuss when Tommy steals a quarter from Mommy's purse.

It is the moral parent who is so dangerous."You wicked boy. Didn't you know you were doing wrong?" I wonder how many delinquents have had moral mothers. It is highly dangerous to give a child a feeling of guilt. The better way is to say: "Tommy, you took a dollar from me; give it back to me, it's mine." This is valid. What is entirely invalid is to take the moral attitude that he is a bad, sinful boy.

No one is completely honest. We adults are such humbugs about honesty. How many of us are honest because of fear of the police? If we make a long distance call from a telephone booth, and the operator says "Your three minutes are up, sir. I'll let you know what the extra charges are when
you have completed your call," how many of us won't just hang up when through talking and stalk out of the phone booth? Oh, it's only the telephone company, and one is certainly allowed to cheat that colossus. Honesty, be hanged!

Many a father who cheats the Income Tax Bureau will wallop his son for stealing.

On a recent train trip, the regular seats were all taken, so I went into a Pullman, ready to pay the difference. In a journey of several hours no one came around to examine my ticket. Did I go to the ticket office and say: "I travelled in a parlor car; I want to pay the difference," It is so easy to rationalize, so easy for me to argue, "If the railway company wants to lose money by not having its men collect fares, why should I help them out?" Yes, we're all so piously honest until the chips are down.

Freedom breeds a tremendous amount of tolerance; at least three parents have complained to me that Summerhill made their children too tolerant. In 45 years, I have never seen a child jury at Summerhill punish a young thief for stealing; all they demand is that the thief pay back what he stole. Adult juries please copy.

A.S NEILL

Neill, A.S. (1966). Freedom – Not Licence! New York. Hart Publishing Company. pp. 112-113.

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