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2 NOVEMBER 2009

NO 1508

Trust

The slightest mistrust, the smallest unkindness, the least act of injustice or contemptuous ridicule, leave wounds that last for life in the finely strung soul of the child. While on the other side unexpected friendliness, kind advances, just indignation, make quite as deep an impression.1Ellen Key, 1909

The need for trusting relationships is as basic a need as hunger or thirst.2 The first study of human bonding was conducted in the 13th century by Holy Roman Emperor King Frederick II. The king spoke several languages and hoped to discover the natural inborn language by raising children who would never hear speech. He hired nurses to suckle and bathe children, but they were forbidden to speak to them. His experiment ended in disaster as all of the children died before uttering a single word. The King concluded that "children could not live without clapping of the hands and gestures and gladness of countenance and blandishments."3

Across all cultures humans bond together for social support. They prefer to spend much of their time in groups, invest in socializing children, and draw on support from elders. Children develop strong attachments to their primary caregivers and rejection always has a malignant effect on development.4

The human social brain is the secret of our survival on this planet. We are not physically endowed to compete in the animal kingdom. We lack sharp teeth or claws; we cannot outrun predators, fly away, or hide under water. Instead, our survival depends on living in supportive groups. When under threat, we band together to befriend and protect each other.5

From birth, the brains of children are prepared to focus on human faces. "These small areas of skin are the most scrutinized area of the planet."6 The face is the primary display board for human emotions.

Science has discovered emotionality's deeper purpose: the timeworn mechanisms of emotion allow two human beings to receive the contents of each other's minds. Emotion is the messenger of love; it is the vehicle that carries every signal from one brimming heart to another. For human beings, feeling deeply is synonymous with being alive.7

The amygdala instantly detects cues of safety or threat through eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, and tone of voice. Children's survival is dependent on adults and so they continually search for evidence that they are valued. "All I want is some kind of noticement,"said Daniel, a troubled boy in a Cleveland alternative school.'8

Erik Erikson explained that a child yearns "to be gazed upon by the primal parent and to respond to the gaze, to look up to the parental countenance and to be responded to."9 Children want someone to admire who returns their affection and gives them support. They first find this guiding light and acceptance in parents and family, then in peers and companions. Even as adults, we search for some numinous, a source of inspiration beyond ourselves.

The need for belonging permeates all of our relationships. It begins with bonds between children and caregivers and extends to friendships, sexual bonds, and helping behavior.10 These patterns are universal across cultures since they are designed into our DNA.

Human attachment is closely intertwined with the need for safety.11 Attachment involves proximity, and humans feel safest in the presence of trusted persons. Children run to their parents' bedroom in the middle of the night when frightened by a thunderstorm or a bad dream. Neuroscience tells us they are rushing for a dose of oxytocin.

LARRY K. BRENDTRO, MARTIN L. MITCHELL AND HERMAN J. MCCALL

Brendtro, L.K.; Mitchell, M.L. and McCall, H.J. (2009). Deep Brain Learning: Pathways to potential with challenging youth. Albion, Michigan. Starr Commonwealth. pp. 43-44.

NOTES

1. Key, 1909.

2. Baumeister & Leary, 1995.

3. Lewis, Amini, & Lannon, 2001, p. 69.

4. Brown, 1991.

5. Taylor & Gonzaga, 2007.

6. Johnston, 1999, p. 41.

7. Lewis, Amini, & Lannon, 2000, p. 37.

8. Way, 1993, p. 4.

9. Erikson, 1977, p. 91.

10. Konner, 2002.

11. Erik Erikson, Abraham Maslow, John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth all put safety at the center of their theories.

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