6 NOVEMBER 2009
NO 1510
Love is not enough
Practitioners in group care typically have a great desire to help children, to care, to be needed, and, eventually, to see progress. Children in group care are crying out for parents. We are drawn to take on the role of parenting these children. Often we become the good parent or the bad parent and end by acting very much like the child's actual parents. For instance, Jane's endless kicking provoked many staff members to restrain her physically for her own safety and the safety of the staff. To Jane, being held down by two child care workers reenacted the same feelings of being overwhelmed that occurred when she had been abused in previous placements.
Caring is not enough for children who are still attached to families where they have experienced chronic abuse or neglect. These children try to replace their families with staff members in the institution and, in effect, reenact the conflicts they experienced in their homes. Group care staff members will be drawn by the need of these children and yet may soon find themselves the target of the children's rage. The staff members may end by calling for help for themselves and more discipline for the children.
Children placed in group care continue to be embroiled in family conflicts and most often have no concept of a solution to their problems. If group care is to aid them, the staff members in group care facilities must help these children and their families to confront painful dilemmas.
Working with children in group care is extremely difficult because the intensity of abandonment, loss, grief, violence, and attachment must be addressed. Children in group care need to know that being where they are will help them and their families to resolve critical dilemmas. Without that knowledge, staying in the program may seem pointless, and the child may run away or continue to act out to such an extent that it is necessary to place the child elsewhere. If this situation happens, the child, parents, and staff members will experience this last placement as another in a long series of failures, confirming the inadequacy, helplessness, and despair of everyone involved.
For example, an adolescent girl ran away repeatedly from her group care facility and placed herself in dangerous situations where she was sexually abused. In this case, the staff members were working to help the girl to stop running away so that she could return home to her father, which was her discharge goal. The parents were divorced. It was essential to explore what had happened in her father's family (physical and sexual abuse) and help the family to make a plan based on the girl's need for safety and support and the parents' ability to protect her.
Caring about this girl and trying to stop her running away was not enough. Help for this girl meant working with her father on the abuse that had occurred and was likely to happen again. It also meant working with the girl's mother on deciding whether she could parent the girl. By working on these issues, the staff members were able to show the girl that they were addressing her real dilemmas, including her own needs, her parents' needs and abilities, dealing with past trauma, and planning for the future.
RICHARD M. KAGAN AND SHIRLEY SCHLOSBERG
Kagan, R.M. and Schlosberg, S. (1988). When love is
not enough: Creating a context for change. In Carman, Gary O. and Small,
Ricard W. (Eds.) Permanence and Family Support: Changing Practice in
Group Child Care. Washington D.C. Child Welfare League of America.
pp. 174-176.
