The 35 teenage girls gathered at the “Building a Better Me” conference were discussing shopping, as teenage girls are wont to do.
Adrianna Mora, a 15-year-old from Oceanside, told the group she heads straight for the discounted items at inexpensive retailers. It isn’t a preference; it’s a necessity. Mora has a 1-year-old daughter. “I change diapers about 10 times a day, and I go through a box of 94 diapers in a week, which costs $24,” Mora said. “It’s very expensive.”
Adrianna, who spoke at Saturday’s gathering, is one of six teen speakers in the Teen SMART Outreach program run by the nonprofit North County Health Services. Started in 2003, the program tries to discourage teen pregnancy by conveying the difficulties involved. The program’s presenters are those who know the challenges better than anyone: teen parents. “They hear it from a teen,” Adrianna said. “When it’s someone older, they think it’s just a lecture. But this way, they can hear from someone who’s going through it. Some of them look at me and realize that it’s not as easy as they think.”
Adrianna was joined by Denise Mendoza, a 15-year-old from Oceanside with a 6-month-old daughter; and Eric Garcia, a 15-year-old father from Escondido.
Esmeralda Amaya, the parent and youth health program coordinator, moderated the event. “Some things that you take for granted are changed forever,” Amaya said. “Like going to the movies. You can’t just go. You have to arrange a baby sitter, but if you can’t, you have to take diapers and food and everything you might need.”
Each presenter shared common problems faced by young teens raising children. Those include finding schools with day care service, strained relationships with their parents and endless responsibilities.
“It’s hard to be a single mom,” Adrianna said. “I used to love to party and kick it. I had to stop. When I go out now, I go to the park or the mall, where I know the kids are safe and there are no bad people.” The two teen mothers said the fathers of their babies provide little assistance. Eric is helping with the raising of his daughter, but at 15, there is little he can do when he can’t even work at most jobs. “Parenting is hard,” Eric said. “I don’t know what to do. I see my baby every day. She can make my day when she smiles. There are times when I want to stay with my baby but I have to go home.”
Amaya said the three presenters are more fortunate than many teen parents because they have shelter and support, enabling them to continue their education. But she reminded the audience that teen pregnancy is avoidable. “Every action you take, there’s going to be consequences,” Amaya said. “Wear protection if you’re going to have sex. But if you can practice abstinence, that’s the best.”
All three presenters said they had a general apathy toward education and a strong inclination toward partying until their lives were changed by pregnancy. Yet the change was not all negative. Denise, who wants to pursue a career in criminal justice, said having a child gave her a better perspective on life. “When I got pregnant, I was confused but kind of happy,” Denise said. “I thought I would get my life straight. I like how I live now better than the way it was. I spend more time at home with the baby. I’m trying to get good grades and finish high school and get a good life for my daughter.”
All three teens recommended birth control, but Mora added that should birth control fail, a pregnant teen has to take control of the situation. “Make sure you take care of yourself and do what you want, not what your boyfriend or anyone else wants,” Mora advised.
Eric cautioned that positive advice can’t soften the tough road teen parents travel. He said he sometimes wonders whether some of the girls in the audience take the advice the wrong way.
“Some might have took it, and some probably thought, ‘This is nuts,’ ” Eric said. “There’s a lot of girls who think it’s cool to get pregnant. It’s kind of good but it’s also not. But I see a future in my life. Whenever I do something, I think, ‘Will it affect (my daughter)?’ ”
Steven Mihailovich
23 May 2008
