Parental coaching stops when kids reach high school
As commencement ceremonies take place at all levels of education this month, it's a reminder that this also happens in youth sports as players graduate into high school sports programs.
Our sports-parenting job ends when our children enter high school. Once they reach this level, the "real" coaches take over. It doesn't matter what the sport or at what level they are playing, it's time to strictly be your child's biggest fan. By this point we've given them just about everything we can in terms of training devices, camps and clinics, playing opportunities and technique/strategy tips. It's now time to let them loose.
It's not easy, trust me. I just spent the last school year as strictly a spectator for the first time in the 10 years my son has been playing sports. I dropped off and picked up for practices rather than planning and running them. I found out the lineup as it unfolded on the field rather than making it up. My pre- and post-game speech was the same for every outing: "Good luck" and "Nice game."
And actually, in hindsight, I really enjoyed it. And I think my son enjoyed it even more. Sure, there were times when I wanted to shout to him on the court or sneak over near the dugout with some advice. But instead I stayed firmly planted in the bleachers and stayed quiet. And I think there were times when he realized my coaching philosophy was better suited to him than he ever thought. But as I told him, "I'm not the coach anymore."
I won't coach this offseason, either. I've stopped telling him he should be running or lifting instead of lying around. That he should be shooting or swinging instead of texting. It's up to him now. I've told him over and over my job now is strictly to make sure he gets through high school safely and successfully. For his sake, I hope that includes playing sports. For my sake, I'm only concerned about his good grades and him staying out of trouble.
Too many parents (including parents who never coached) stay overly involved in their child's sports once they reach high school. Very few coaches tolerate it. It's a rude awakening for parents to suddenly realize the coach really doesn't care how good your child was in the local gyms or on the Little League fields, or what your opinion is about who should be playing where.
Besides, as a parent, this is a perfect opportunity to let go of something that you can. We can't stop badgering our kids about getting good grades or staying out of trouble that's still our job. We can stop coaching them.
We'll still be their biggest fans and do anything they ask. But unlike having to make sure they study, we shouldn't have to tell them to go take a run to stay in shape or head to the basement to take some dry swings. That is now their job, not ours
Jon Buzby
14 June 2009
