Anger is a normal emotion or feeling. Anger may be a
very useful feeling as it can motivate and energise. It can also lead to
change where change is necessary. However, how we act while we are angry
may not always be good and useful. Anger may lead to aggressive and
destructive behaviour. Our task is to help children to express their
anger and behave in acceptable ways while they are angry. Children model
their behaviour on what adults do and say. This means we have to be
skilled in dealing with our own anger.
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Quick ANGER SELF-CHECK
What makes you angry?
What do you do when
you are angry?
How do you deal with
your own anger?
How do you express
yourself when you are angry?
What do you do when children get angry?
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You may want to discuss your answers with a friend or
colleague to get some feedback. Perhaps you react differently to anger,
depending on the situation. Talk about the situations where you find it
difficult to cope with anger.
It is not useful or appropriate to:
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Hit, shout, swear or lose your temper when angry.
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Repress or reject or deny your anger.
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Respond to others anger with anger.
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Take no responsibility for your anger blame others
or events.
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Put yourself down or feel guilty for feeling angry.
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Feel angry most of the time.
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Allow your anger to turn to rage and aggression.
Understanding anger
Anger is a very powerful emotion that many have many causes. Anger
is often used as a defence for some other feelings. Sometimes children
feel angry because they are afraid, frustrated, confused, shy, or
anxious. In children, anger is often a reaction to sadness. We need to
understand that anger may have deeper causes than we can immediately
see. Unresolved anger can lead to rage, aggression and uncontrolled
behaviour. Frequently children react to anger with aggression. This is
usually because they have seen and experienced people modelling
aggressive behaviour.
ACTIVITIES TO HELP CHILDREN DEAL WITH ANGER
Note that these are not punishments. Rather, they are
fun activities offering learning opportunities. It is useful to have a
brief discussion about anger and other feelings after each activity. Get
the children used to talking freely about their feelings, without fear
of punishment or ridicule.
Time-Out
This is removing the child from the situation where she may hurt
herself or others, or distract others. This is not a punishment, but
rather creating a space for the child to sit alone, quietly and collect
herself. The time-out should not be too long, as it may give the child
too much time to dwell on the anger without thinking of ways to resolve
the anger. A few minutes are usually enough.
It is useful if children get used to the idea of a
time-out, and even have the knowledge to ask for a time-out when they
feel the need. You may also give yourself a time-out!
Listening In and Out
Ask the child to sit quietly and close her eyes. She has
to send her listening out and listen to the furthest sounds she can
hear. She has to listen to sounds that are beyond the room, beyond the
house, beyond the street.
After a minute, gently ask the child to bring her listening in and
listen to the closest sounds she can hear: her own sounds, her
breathing, and her heartbeat.
After half a minute, gently tell the child to send the listening out
again and listen to the furthest, far away sounds she can hear. After
another 30 seconds, ask her to bring her listening in again and listen
to the closest sounds she can hear in the room.
Very slowly ask the child to stretch, sigh and yawn as she opens her
eyes. Do not rush the child or speak in a loud voice.
Conclude by asking the child if she would like to say anything about how
she is feeling.
This exercise can also be used with a group of children. It calms then
down and helps them to listen to each other. It is useful for preventing
a loss of self-control.
Deep Breathing
Get the child to stand or lie down. Ask the child to breath in
deeply, put his hands on his tummy to feel the breath, and hold for 3
seconds. Then slowly breathe out. Repeat a few times. The focus is on
breathing slowly and deeply. When we are angry, we often breathe very
shallowly and deprive the brain of oxygen. Then it becomes difficult to
control our anger.
After a few deep breathing exercises, ask the child to talk about his
feelings.
Drum Drama
Try to get a drum for the programme. If you cannot get one, use
an upturned rubbish bin or a cake tin or a cardboard box.
Allow the angry child to beat the drum. Tell him to beat the drum as
much as he wants and to develop a drum beat that explains what he is
feeling.
After a few minutes, ask the child to express himself in words.
It is a good idea to leave the drum in the same place. Children can use
the drum when they feel the need. Also make sure you let them use the
drum for expressing other emotions. You do not want them to associate
the drum only with anger.
The drum serves as an outlet for anger and may prevent the child hitting
out at other children. The child is also learning to express his
feelings.
Pass the Frown/Smile
Get the children to stand ma circle. Start the group off by giving a
serious frown and say that the child next to you must pass the frown on.
Give each child a chance to frown and pass on.
Ask the children to talk about the implications of this exercise.
Sometimes we get angry because others are angry but do we need to? It
is important that children realise that it is their choice to feel angry
or not.
End this exercise by passing the smile on. It usually ends in giggles!
PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES
Physical activity is a way to channel anger. It is
essential that children have an outlet for their feelings. Physical
activity not only prevents anger, but also helps children to cope with
anger.
Run-Run Game
This is a useful game for indoors when it is raining or
dark.
Get the children to stand in their own space. They have to run on the
spot according to instructions you will give them. If you have music
available, you can use music to help.
First run on the spot to get the feel of running on the spot this
means you do not run around the room, but stay in one place. If children
find it difficult or keep bumping into each other, draw a chalk circle
for each child on the floor they have to stay in that circle.
Now run very fast, still running on the spot. Swing your arms, move
those legs!
Slow down and stand still.
Now you need to get fit, so run with your knees up, imagine you are
running up steps.
And lastly, imagine you are running a lap of honour after winning the
Olympic gold medal! The fans are cheering, trumpets are blaring, and you
are the star of the show! Wave to the crowds, smile for the
photographers!
Relax.
Walk the Walk!
Get the children to walk by stamping their feet. Call out the
different walks for them to walk. You can use music to go with the
different walks, but that is not essential. Allow them to make as much
noise as they want by stamping their feet!
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Walk an angry walk.
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Walk a scared walk
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Walk a peaceful walk
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Walk a happy walk.
[You can add to this activity by getting the children to
sing songs to go with each walk they make up the words themselves!]
Mimes and movements
This is a similar activity. Call out instructions:
Briefly discuss with the children. Ask them how they
felt during this activity.
Angry Dance/Happy Dance
Get children into small groups. Ask them to develop and present
a dance that shows anger. They can call it their angry dance. Get each
small group to present their dance and get the other children to join in
each dance.
Have a brief discussion afterwards. Get the children to talk about what
their dances meant, how they felt and ask them to suggest ways of coping
with anger.
End off by getting the children in the same groups, and asking them to
develop and present a happy dance.
It is important that both anger and happy feelings are accepted, but try
to always end an exercise on a happier note, so as not to leave the
children with unresolved feelings of anger.
HINTS FOR DEALING WITH ANGER
PRACTICE