LBGT
STUDENTS
Coming out resilient: Strategies to help gay and
lesbian adolescents
Tania DuBeau and David E. Emenheiser
This article focuses on ways that
adolescents discover their sexual identity and how individuals and
programs can foster resilience in gay/lesbian youth and make a
positive difference in their lives.
Remembering back to childhood, where was the
best place to hide? The place where you could hide in complete
darkness from the terrors outside? You felt safe. You heard people
walking by beyond the door. Your heart raced, anticipating
detection. The steps retreated, and again you felt safe. They didn’t
find you. You listened to voices; you looked for the light. You
peeked out the door to make sure it was safe. You retreated into the
darkness, until the time came for you to open the door wide ... to
come out of the closet.
“Coming out of the closet” is a metaphor
commonly used in the mainstream to describe the self-disclosure
process of gays/lesbians. Keeping this imagery in mind can help each
of us empathize with what gay/lesbian people experience as they
discover/disclose their sexual orientation. The perception of safety
is one of the most critical factors in when these adolescents choose
to open the door of their closet.
The professional literature on gay/lesbian
issues (e.g., DeCrescenzo,1994; Phillips, McMillen, Sparks, &
Ueberle,1997; Savin-Williams, 1990) increasingly indicates the need
for individuals and programs that serve gay/lesbian adolescents,
especially around this crucial time of self-disclosure. In addition,
the urgency of this need is emphasized by recent news headlines,
such as the rise in hate crimes against gays/lesbians, the
controversy over including gays/lesbians in anti-discrimination and
personal freedom laws, and the backlash against portrayals of
gays/lesbians in the media. Other research (e.g., Rubin, 1996; Wolin
& Wolin, 1993) shows that resiliency relies on an emotionally and
physically safe environment created by a significant individual,
such as a parent, teacher, mentor, or friend.
These adults and professionals can foster
resilience in gay/ lesbian youth by developing a comprehensive
approach to working with them that encompasses a variety of
strategies for meeting their varied needs during the coming-out
process (Bass & Kaufman, 1996; DuBeau, 1998). Although
gays/ lesbians are diverse, a framework can be helpful in
understanding the commonalities in their coming-out stories. Cass
(1984) provided such a framework by describing the coming-out
process in these six stages:
1. Identity Confusion
2. Identity Comparison
3. Identity Tolerance
4. Identity Acceptance
5. Identity Pride
6. Identity Synthesis
Individual gays/lesbians come out at various
ages and in various ways. Most individuals do not neatly progress
from one stage to the next. Rather, individuals often oscillate
between stages and recycle through the whole process in various
situations during a lifetime. A variety of existing general
strategies related to school environment, community resources,
school resources, curriculum, and organizational policies can be
implemented at the specific stages of the coming-out process. The
discussion of these options below will help you connect the
appropriate strategies with the needs of each individual.
Stage 1: Identity confusion
The assumption of heterosexuality is questioned during this
stage. Individuals begin to have gay/lesbian thoughts, feelings, and
behaviors. Even if no one in your school or program has come out, it
is important that a safe supportive environment is provided for all
students who may be grappling with issues of sexual identity.
Individuals in this stage of self-discovery may not acknowledge to
others their thoughts about being gay/ lesbian. To meet the needs of
these adolescents, you merely need to incorporate sensitivity to
sexual minorities into your schools and programs through the
following strategies.
School environment
-
Display gay/lesbian cultural symbols.
-
Let staff and students know that anti-gay
comments and jokes are offensive and will not be tolerated.
-
Post “Gay/Lesbian Safe Space” placards in
rooms and offices.
-
If you are heterosexual, understand the
important role of speaking up and supporting respect for
gay/lesbian students.
-
Use the words “gay” and “lesbian” in casual
conversation without making it a big deal.
Community resources
-
Review the telephone book for resources in the
community. Contact the community resources for updated
information. Check out whether the resource is appropriate for
your particular students.
-
Make resources easily available to all
students.
School resources
Curriculum
-
Include gay/lesbian issues in health classes
and confirm that required readings include topics that are
inclusive of related issues in a positive way.
-
Include books and projects that address
gay/lesbian issues in class assignments.
-
Include gay-related current events during
class discussions.
-
Implement lesson plans regarding homophobia in
classes.
Organizational policies
-
Include gay/lesbian issues in sexual
harassment and antidiscrimination policies.
-
When hiring staff, inform them that you expect
them to be respectful of all staff/students, regardless of sexual
identity.
-
Provide staff development on the issues of
gay/lesbian students and homophobia.
-
Help staff to become aware of their prejudices
and how to deal with them.
Stage 2: Identity comparison
During this stage, the individual compares gay/lesbian identity
to straight identity, including perceptions and expectations of
others and self in terms of interpersonal relationships, marriage,
children, and careers. Some adolescents experience social isolation
and continued fears of coming out as a result of this comparison.
Exposure to the variety of opportunities
available to gays/ lesbians in all aspects of their lives is
important for these adolescents. For example, the opportunities for
gay/lesbian individuals and partners to adopt both gay/lesbian and
straight children are increasing. Gays/lesbians are also choosing to
have their own children. Some gays/lesbians have children from
previous relationships. The possibility of your students having
gay/lesbian parents is likewise increasing. The implications of
these facts for your programming include introducing these
opportunities to all students and collaborating with gay/lesbian
parents. In addition to the strategies listed previously, the
following can be implemented to meet the needs of adolescents in
this stage.
School environment
-
Refer to dates, lovers, partners, or
significant others rather than husbands, wives, girlfriends, and
boyfriends.
-
When adolescents or parents are referring to
relationships, keep in mind the possibility of either gender.
Community resources
School resources
Curriculum
-
Think about gay/lesbian issues when following
guidelines for providing multicultural education.
-
Identify the contributions of gay/lesbian
individuals throughout the curriculum.
-
Explore the realities/myths of gay/lesbian
stereotypes.
Organizational policies
Stage 3: Identity tolerance
An individual begins to come out to and form relationships with
other gays/lesbians during this stage and becomes increasingly
comfortable with his or her gay/lesbian identity. These connections
with others can reduce the feelings of isolation. A positive
response from others is important for these adolescents as they
first come out.
Usually, gays/lesbians privately disclose to a
few close personal friends at first. Specific individuals who are
open and safe must be identified and available to students searching
for answers concerning their sexual identity. In addition to those
listed for prior stages, the following strategies may be used to
meet the needs of youth during this stage.
School environment
-
Make yourself open to and available for
self-disclosures about sexuality, or refer adolescents to other
positive staff.
-
Encourage open, honest discussions of
gay/lesbian issues. Share freely about openly gay/lesbian family
and friends.
Community resources
School resources
Curriculum
Organizational policies
Stage 4: Identity acceptance
During this stage, an individual further identifies as a gay/
lesbian and increases his or her links with the gay/lesbian
community. These individuals are broadening the circle of people
with whom they share their sexual identity. A caring environment,
including supportive individuals, that validates the adolescents’
sexual identity continues to be important in this stage. As the
individual reaches out to more and more people, it is critical that
the responses are positive and that the school culture is deeply
supportive. The following strategies as well as some listed above
can be implemented to serve adolescents in this stage.
School environment
Community resources
School resources
-
Provide a forum in which adolescents can
identify their sexual orientation.
-
Provide counseling to students who request
help in sorting out the implications of their sexuality.
-
Establish disciplinary procedures to protect
gay/lesbian students.
Curriculum
-
Link the gay/lesbian community and its
resources to your classwork.
-
Incorporate gay/lesbian groups, agencies, and
periodicals in community, culture, and civics education.
-
Include gay/lesbian-related news stories in
current events. Visit community centers that address gays/lesbians
as a field trip.
-
Include gay/lesbian topics in self-advocacy
and personal safety discussions.
Organizational policies
-
Develop partnerships and relationships with
community organizations that serve gay/lesbian adolescents.
-
Defend your students and staff against
homophobic responses from families, employers, and community
organizations.
Stage 5: Identity pride
The gay/lesbian individuals develop an understanding of how to
feel a sense of self-worth, even when some people do not support
them. As comfort with varied responses from others increases, the
adolescent makes less of a distinction between his or her public and
private selves. During this time, it is important for adolescents to
have supported opportunities to reflect on personal experiences and
to self-advocate for gay/lesbian rights. Gays/lesbians during this
stage reveal their sexual identity to increasing numbers of people.
The other person’s process of acceptance will affect how the
gay/lesbian may develop or terminate the relationship. In addition
to the strategies listed above, the following can be implemented to
meet the needs of adolescents in this stage.
School environment
Community resources
School resources
Curriculum
-
Ensure that class discussions can include
relevant personal experiences.
-
Instruct students on making emotionally and
physically safe decisions about self-disclosure.
-
Develop a strong sense of personal boundaries
within your gay/lesbian students.
-
Invite gay/lesbian speakers into classrooms.
Organizational policies
Stage 6: Identity synthesis
During this stage, the individual focuses on all aspects of self
rather than just on sexual identity. The adolescent is more likely
to socialize with peers based on common interests. An
environment that highlights strengths, talents, and interests is
important for these adolescents. The opportunity for identity
synthesis is created by a celebration of all aspects of each life.
Each person, whether staff or student, must recognize the ongoing
process of maturation and interaction as humans. The following
strategies, in conjunction with those listed above, can be used to
meet the needs of adolescents in this stage.
School environment
Community resources
School resources
Curriculum
Organizational policies
Fostering resiliency
Schools often have programming to foster students’ resiliency
that focuses on building key relationships between youth and caring
adults. Many of the strategies suggested for each stage of a
gay/lesbian youth’s coming-out process likewise highlight the vital
importance of an individual who is psychologically available to the
adolescent forming his or her sexual identity. These strategies
merely mirror what is already in place in most schools and programs
related to other areas of the youths’ lives.
But when implementing these strategies, we
recommend that you focus on meeting the current needs of your
students rather than on attempting to determine their stage of
coming out.
While a supportive school culture is critical,
the importance of one sensitive individual in the healthy
development of identity cannot be overestimated. It was probably the
soothing voice of one nurturing person who led you, as a child, out
of your secret hiding place. And it can be your caring presence that
leads some of your students out of their closets.
REFERENCES
Bass, E., & Kaufman, K. (1996). Free your mind:
The book for gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth and their allies.
New York. Harper Collins.
Cass, V. (1984). Homosexual identity formation:
Testing a theoretical model. Journal of Sex Research, 20,
pp.143-167.
DeCrescenzo, T. (Ed.). (1994). Helping gay and
lesbian youth: New policies, new programs, new practice. New
York. Harrington Park Press.
DuBeau, T. (1998). Making a difference in the lives
of gay and lesbian students. Reclaiming Children and Youth, 7,
3. pp.164-168.
Phillips, S., McMillen, C., Sparks, J., & Ueberle,
M. (1997). Concrete strategies for sensitizing youth-serving
agencies to the needs of gay, lesbian, and other sexual minority
youths. Child Welfare, 76,3. pp. 393-409.
Rubin, L. (1996). The transcendent child: Tales
of triumph over the past. New York. Basic Books.
Savin-Williams, R. (1990). Gay and lesbian youth:
Expressions of identity. New York. Hemisphere.
Wolin, S. J., & Wolin, S. (1993). Resilient self
How survivors of troubled families rise above adversity. New
York. Villard Books.
This feature: Dubeau, T. and Emenheiser, D.E.
(1999). Coming out resilient: Strategies to help gay and lesbian
adolescents. Reaching Today’s Youth, 3, 4. pp.51-54.
