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CYC-Online
22 NOVEMBER 2000
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poems

Transference, counter-transference

What will I do if I look into the face of a child, and I see myself,
Will I try too hard, will I not try hard enough?
What will I do if she is just like me, dealing with all the same pain,
Will I be able to do the right stuff?
Will she make me sad, and bring back things I want to forget,
Will she make me smile, bring laughter to my life?
Will I see a mirror that I want to go away,
Will she cut my spirits with her face as the knife?
I wish I knew what I would do if put in that place,
How will it affect me, if it comes too close to home?
For now I am left wondering,
And my mind is left to roam.
Will I dislike her parents just because,
Will I feel sorry for her, and not be able to say no?
Will she like me the same way that I like her,
Will I hate her; this I don't know.
If I look inside myself, maybe I'll get by,
Without causing too much harm,
On either her or I.

* * *

What a nice man, so gentle and kind
I look at him and my father comes to mind.
How could a man, who appears so sweet,
Abuse his wife, his kids mistreat.
His voice is so soft, just like my dad,
How could this man get so angry and mad?
He is handsome and smart, all the traits I adore
If he wasn't my patient, I think I'd want more.
He talks to me about his love for his wife,
I want to tell him to start a new life.
He always smells fresh, the way my dad always would,
I want to help but I don't know if I should.
I find myself thinking of him, in not so ethical ways,
And when our session is over I am left counting down the days.
Could I be in love with him, or am I just a nut,
For whenever he leaves the room, I always check out his butt.
He is built like my father, slender and slim,
And just like my dad, his middle name is Jim.
Being with him gives me a feeling of home,
I don't much care for being alone.
I hope he stays with me for a while,
If it weren't for him I'd probably never smile.
For now I will try to help him along,
An hope that my feeling will do me no wrong.

Sarah J. MacLeod
Truro, 2000

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