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Listen to thisIt’s often been said that we should focus on what we do well, rather than on what our problems are. As I once again mount my Soapbox, I agree- but not completely. Why? As with the old saying about bad money driving out the good, the very presence of inappropriate or unproductive practices takes the focus away from having the time, support, and freedom to implement better ones. Rest assured, however, that in future Soapboxes I will shout as loudly about positive practices as I am now about lesser ones. I am concerned now about these poor practices as well because often people who unwittingly employ them are not aware of their potential detrimental results.
Indeed, most people in child and youth work are good people, who think they have the youngsters' best interests at heart. Despite this, the dynamic of “unconscious unconsciousness” still operates as people simply do things “the way it’s always been done here”. When suggesting the 10 worst practices, we don’t even mean such patently negative ones such as over-reliance on “time out” and any kind of physical punishment, including food deprivation. These are more subtle. If any of the following are taking place, one might take another look – or give the practice a second thought. Here are my 10, not necessarily in order of “badness”:
1. Point and level systems
Pervasive and entrenched as termites in an abandoned house,
point and level systems are still relatively unexamined by those who
institute them and use them. They dehumanize everybody, destroy
relationships, and deprive youngsters of the core real treatment such as
relationships and activities, to mention just a few of their faults.
2. Early bed times
The automatic “consequence” for any misbehavior, and as clinically
contraindicated as the old fashioned straitjacket, early bedtimes
succeed in violating the true meaning of sleep and rest, and allow
abused youth time to ruminate on the traumatic events that may have
brought them into
the setting in the first place. Not only that, interference with normal
bedtimes contributes to the development of sleep disorders, an
increasingly major health concern. Let’s wake up to this.
3. Allowing boredom
One of the hidden and insidious “root causes” of misbehavior is boredom.
If nothing engaging is happening to focus attention and energy; if there
is nothing to look forward to, then the human inclination is to make
something happen “not always constructive. There’s a corollary to this:
Adults doing things for children and youth, in a way that takes them
away from direct contact, While the staff, for examples, do chores and
maintain the setting, the youngsters sit around passively. Couldn’t they
help too? Check out those long evenings and weekends: What’s happening?
4. Prohibiting touch
Touch is the touchstone, so to speak, of attachment and relationships.
Certainly adults need to guide youth as to “appropriate” touch, and
ensure that theirs is that way as well. But when it is suspect to put an
arm around a sad youngster, give him or her a pat on entering a game, a
good night hug, and the like we need to realize that we have created
another form of child abuse. Rules that state such things as “No youth
can come within a foot of the other” (yes, I’ve actually heard this kind
of thing) are certainly an example.
5. TV, Gameboys (and similar occupations)
When the primary activity that the youth can participate in, especially
if they are on “level one” and before they have “earned” more suitable
activities, are passive and violence oriented, as
are some television programs and videogames, they are not, with our
concurrence, occupying them productively. Grand Theft Auto is also a
thief of time.
6. Provoking an outburst and then
restraining and punishing for it
Yes, we've all seen it – the staff member who deliberately or not “escalates” an event into a major issue; when the youth responds
angrily, then that is an opportunity to punish him or her.
Subtle as a dump truck and as insidious as a rattlesnake.
7. Dingy, poorly maintained physical
settings
Shiny brochures can boast of individual therapy twice a week, but if the
areas where the youngsters spend the rest of their time looks as if it
hasn’t been renovated since the Ice Age – with tattered furniture,
broken equipment, disorganized activity supplies, dreary decorations, if
there are any at all – staff can count on difficult behavior.
8. Shabby clothing
Today’s fashion preferences among youth may not be ours. But too often
youngsters' clothing and grooming beyond the informality and even
messiness that youngsters might consider fashionable show a lack of
caring and attention from adults,. The “presentation of self” that
occurs through dress and grooming is especially important to children
and youth in group care settings as they venture forth into more open
and public settings. Are we helping them put their best foot forward ?
9. Emotional intrusiveness
This is a hard one to define although I've observed it many times.
Emotional intrusiveness is when a worker somehow understands everything
and offers a psychological interpretation for everything. This is very
different from being emphathic and responsive to youngsters' messages.
Sometimes they actually feel more respected and less self-conscious if
the adult is simply matter-of-fact.
10. Demeaning families
Even though we all supposedly learned that just because we may think a
family is “dysfunctional” without a youngster’s best interests in mind,
we initiate negative comments at our peril. Let the youngsters make the
observations and explore them with them.
As you read the above, perhaps you were provoked or angered, whether or not you agreed, with the general idea and with the inclusion of any specific practice or not. Being provocative is one purpose of a Soapbox column. It’s also to ask, “What do you think ?” and “What can you change ?”
