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13 FEBRUARY 2009

NO 1400

Keeping parenting alive

By removing children from their care, we stop parents functioning as parents. We can help parents to continue with this task, to 'keep their hand in'. This can be done on a time basis or a task basis. For example, we might ask parents to help us with their own children on a Thursday night when there are no other relief staff in the unit. This enables them to respond to a real (not contrived) need for the benefit of their own children. Alternatively, we might ask a parent to undertake specific (perhaps progressively demanding) tasks in relation to his or her child, such as to take his or her child to the hairdresser or the dentist or shopping for new clothing. This conveys trust in parents, reinforces their role, provides opportunity for learning. Experience suggests that parents who have had the opportunity to contribute feel greatly empowered – which feeds positively into a new cycle of growth.

Parents should also have opportunity to practise newly gained skills which they are taught in a parent education programme. Equally, with open minds, child care workers may learn something from parents! Whittaker and Garbarino (1983:139-140) remind us: "No amount of professional education or clinical training can provide the kind of insight and empathy that comes from having a troubled child of one's own."

It is also suggested that where possible, the child's place in the family be maintained. For example, the parent should be discouraged from moving to a smaller flat now that their child is in care; this would only add an obstacle to return. Also, a place should be kept in the family's budget, for example, by keeping the parent responsible for their child in such items as clothing, school fees, toiletries or pocket money.

Much has been said of parent support groups. It is said that this can work only where parents are within reasonable reach of the program (or of each other – the group doesn't have to meet in the program). Too many programs are situated hundreds of miles from programs whose parents, in turn, may be dotted around the country. This represents very thoughtless planning by the authorities and is an area where child care administrators need to speak out very strongly. Nevertheless, this idea does not need to be applied on an program by program basis: it could be applied according to the areas where the parents live. For example, why can a support group for parents of children in care not be established in a place like Durban or Pretoria no matter where the children are placed? Local child and family care professionals can participate in such a support group which could have far-reaching possibilities.

Parent education is widely discussed, though there are some cautions. A patronising attitude can creep into any attempt on our part to show parents 'how to do it'. Perhaps, rather, we should link parents with existing training offered in the community. This has the two-fold benefit of helping parents to set up community links, and of reassuring them that other families also experience difficulties. Trevillion (1992: 129) points out that "the parents of abused children often feel very alone with their problems." It was their lack of community involvement and supports which contributed much to their problem; we must help put them in touch with their communities.

A STUDENT GROUP

Jacob, G.; Botha, A.; Maphutha, P.; Kenyon, E.; Schoeman, J. and Bishop, S. (1994). Parents as partners. The Childcare Worker, 12, 11. pp.6-7.

REFERENCES
Trevillion, S. (1992). Caring in the community: A networking approach to community partnership. Harlow, Essex. Longman.
Whittaker, J. and Garbarino, J. (1983). Social support networks: Informal helping in the social services. New York. Aldine.

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