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Listen to this
The young people we work with have very often been in repeated conflict. It is not unusual for them to arrive locked in oppositional positions with parents, school, police. We are tempted to think (because we usually have some kind of personal or institutional power) that we can prevail where others have failed. We step into the roles just vacated by the youth’s mother, teacher or parole officer ... and offer no more than the same old conflict.
But as child and youth workers we are not there simply to force our wills on our young charges – to make them do what others want them to do. Our task is to understand the circumstances in which the kids find themselves, the ways in which they try to function in these circumstances, and to understand the sources of the conflict.
Our best vantage point is not to position ourselves head-to-head, but to turn the same way as the kids. This way we avoid the conflict role, get out of their face – and we get to see what they are seeing.
Our own Child and Youth Care language suggests this to us. We try to "get alongside" kids, to "offer a hand", to "walk the talk", "be in their shoes", build empathy. The roles which suggest themselves to us – of co-worker, mentor, counsellor, coach, consultant, neutral ally, companion – suggest a stance which is not eyeball-to-eyeball or shaking a finger in their face, but of sharing with them a view of what faces them and what routes they might choose.
Practice placing yourself – both physically and attitudinally – in a non-conflict position. Yes, it may be that at times you will have to challenge a youngster, to be assertive and authoritative, but always best from a position alongside rather than confronting, better as a "friend" rather than a "foe".
Face the same way.
