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8 OCTOBER
No 1227
From Conflict to Cooperation
Throughout the history of the human race, most problem-solving was a group activity. Persons formed an alliance to work cooperatively towards mutually agreed goals (Kozart, 2002). Such is the goal of mentoring. But mutual problem-solving cannot occur if mentors try to impose their ideas and solutions. Adolescents in particular resent directive authoritarian styles which are likely to trigger strong resistance to change.
The opposite of alliances are adversarial encounters. From an early age, children get into such contests with those in authority and they are pretty good psychologists in dealing with adults. Even before they speak, children can figure out the motivation of adults. It does not require the reasoning brain to register warmth or aloofness, attraction or repulsion, fear or security. Very young children can read subtle emotions and gauge a response. Ellen Key was one of the first to describe this ability:
The child, even at four or five years of age, is
making experiments with adults, seeing through them, with marvellous
shrewdness making his own valuations and reacting sensitively to each
impression. The slightest mistrust, the smallest unkindness, the least
act of injustice or contemptuous ridicule, leave wounds that last for
life in the finely strung soul of the child. While on the other side,
unexpected friendliness, kind advances, just indignation, make quite as
deep
an impression (Key,1900).
LARRY BRENDTRO AND LESLEY DU TOIT
This feature: Brendtro, L. and Du Toit, L.
(2005). Connecting for Support. Response Ability Pathways. p.
63. Cape Town. Pretext.
REFERENCES
Key, E. (1900). Barnets Arhundrade [The Century of the Child]. English edition published in 1909. New York: G. P. Putnam.
Kozart, M. (2002). Understanding efficacy and psychotherapy: An ethnomethodological perspective on the therapeutic alliance. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 72 (2), pp. 217-231.
