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12 MARCH 2010
NO 1553
Working with dads
Working with dads calls for particular understandings of the way men understand and interact in the world. That might often be best done on a man-to-man basis. The views of the dads we interviewed certainly suggest that for many men that is the case. Like it or not, there is a "man code" that is shared with other men. Cultural considerations flavor how it might be decoded. In a Scottish context the code is often pretty unsophisticated. Rituals of encounter revolve around half a dozen words. The first of these is a greeting, either, "How's it gaun?" or simply, "Awright?" The response to this may be another "Awright" or "Aye" or "Naw." The worker has to negotiate this initial encounter and to then take the conversation into other non-threatening points of contact, perhaps picking up on environmental cues about what a man's interests may be or perhaps initiating a conversation around football. In Scottish culture it will be important to understand the profound religious and cultural nuances that surround affiliation to particular football teams. Other cultures will have their own artifacts through which meaning in interpersonal encounters is constructed and which, if understood, may provide a way in for workers to engage with individuals and families.
In engaging with men there is a need to see beyond the taciturn exterior that many present, especially perhaps as a defence against professionals they hold to be judging of them and of whom they are perhaps legitimately suspicious. Engagements around the professional role and its authority are likely to be less productive than those which start from a more routine encounter as the following example illustrates.
Mr. Granger was a gruff, heavy drinking Scot if ever there was one. The image we had of him was as an authoritarian, ne'er do well who spent his time in the pub while mum struggled to bring up four young kids. Pete, the eldest, was with us. We had organised a sponsored cycle run in aid of a couple of charities. Pete asked us if it was okay if his dad put a bottle in the local bar to collect donations towards our sponsored effort. We agreed and later went along to the ceremony in the pub to crack open the bottle. It called for us to take a step back from the professional role for a bit and to put aside judgements about the rightness or wrongness of a family whose interactions and relationships centred around the local pub. The fact that we went along to his local and shared a few beers with him brought our relationship with Mr. Granger onto a more authentic level and was formative in our subsequent contact with him. It called for a particular interpretation of the professional role, however, and one that is frowned upon in social work where there seems to be an increasing suspicion of strong personally based relationships.
The assertion of a role for men in working with dads does not detract from the role many women also play in this area. Annie, a former colleague of mine, is one of the best, most intuitive workers with families I have come across. She exudes directness and confidence and the image of a strong mother figure, which many men need and derive strength from. The trick is to recognise and tune into the different and complimentary roles men and women can play in engaging with families. This may call for a reappraisal of some of the roles we traditionally ascribe to men. For instance, how often do we try and ensure a male presence when we hear that a dad is visiting the unit and may cut up rough'? Male workers can enter into family situations of this sort already cast in the role of "bouncer."
In order to reappraise prevailing attitudes, CYC workers need to include dads into their thinking about how they might work with families. An awareness of the importance of dads in children's lives is a good starting point, as is an appreciation of the different circumstances and experiences of dads and of the roles they might play in their kids' lives. Essentially men need to become subject rather than object in our understandings of how families operate. For this to happen we need to engage them at a personal and meaningful level.
MARK SMITH
Smith, M. (2003). What about the dads? Issues and possibilities of working with men from a Child and Youth Care perspective. In Garfat, T. (Ed.). A Child and Youth Care Approach to Working with Families. New York, London, Victoria. The Haworth Press.
