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13 SEPTEMBER 2010
NO 1627
Attachment and loss
Concepts of attachment include social, emotional, cognitive, and behavioral components. Attachments are defined as close enduring bonds, especially those formed between infants and primary caregivers (Strong, DeVault and Sayad, 1998). Attachment is viewed as a part of social relationships in which a less skilled individual relies on a more competent and stronger one for protection. Behaviors also become more complex as relationships develop and patterns of interaction are formed. Goldberg (2000) reports that children experience emotional ties and create an internal representation of a relationship; each participant engages in behaviors that maintain the relationship. Therefore, children with secure attachments show more self confidence and are less dependent than insecurely attached children.
Children generally experience distress from separation from a primary caregiver or other attached individuals. Children who have been separated from significant others in their lives, like parents, may also experience physical distress as a result. Therefore, when a separation occurs in a child’s life, it is a priority that a secure attachment with another loved one is maintained because it provides a level of protection during the separation. Without this protection, the separation may cause problems for young children such as bed-wetting, depression, and constipation.
Loss due to death is a part of everyday life for children and adults. Yet, it is a topic that society as a whole tries to shield from children. Christian (1997) reports that most professionals agree that it is healthy for children to be involved in the death and grief process. Experts in early childhood and death education provide the following suggestions to help children understand death (Charkow, 1998; Christian, 1997; Goldman, 1996; and Staley, 2000):
Keeping their developmental levels in mind, be honest with children about the death and be patient when they are processing the information.
Reassure children that the remaining adults will take care of them.
Understand that children grieve in their own way. Young children in particular may be very physical and respond to death by being angry, restless, not sleeping or eating, or experiencing separation anxiety.
Express your own feelings to children and reassure them it is okay to cry or be sad. 5) lf children are old enough, let them decide whether they want to attend the funeral or memorial service.
Help children cope with death in concrete ways by letting them draw pictures, write letters, or make a scrapbook about the person who has died.
Be sensitive to the different ways various cultures face death.
Realize that it takes a long time for children to process a death. As they obtain new cognitive skills at different developmental stages they may need to work though their perceptions of death again. Also, new questions may arise that should be answered by comforting adults.
MARY LOUISE BRANCH AND SABRINA A. BRINSON
Branch, M.L. and Brinson, S.A. (2007). Gone but not forgotten: Children's experiences with attachment, separation and loss. Reclaiming Children and Youth, 16, 3. pp. 41-42.
REFERENCES
Charkow, W.B. (1998). Inviting children to grieve. Professional School Counseling, 2, 2. pp. 117-122.
Christian, L.G. (1997). Children and death. Young Children, 54, 4. pp. 76-80.
Goldberg, S. (2000). Attachment and Development. London; New York. Oxford University Press.
Goldman, L.E. (1996). We can help children grieve: A child-oriented model for memorializing. Young Children, 51, 6. pp. 69-73.
Staley, L. (2000). Time to say good-bye. Childhood Education, 76, 3. pp. 170-171.
Strong, B.; DeVault, C. and Sayad, B. (1998). The Marraige and Family Experience (7th Ed.). Belomnt CA. Wadsworth Publishing Company.
